Hey, look, it's that day of the year where everyone lambastes that guy who is the supposed founder of North America in 1492.
What. In the actual. Fuck.
Look, I get it. More historical documents turned up over the last few years that might make this guy seem like a total douche, but let me give you one swift fucking reminder why you're part of this country to begin with: Douches came over seas. They douched everything up. And then America was born. And, hey, guess what? Surprise! IT'S FILLED WITH DOUCHES!
I mean, come on, think about it. It's a tale as old as time. People from one country who want more space to roam free go to another country filled with people they deem to be lesser, and then they war people in the area of land they wanted, a country or a continent, won that war and continued on to do the same thing over and over again (until someone else beat them; see: Roman Empire). Does it suck that empires and countries are created in violence? Yes, it does, but that's history for you. It's up to us to make sure history doesn't repeat itself with same kind of douchebaggery that got us here, but it should be noted that the douchebaggery that DID get us here...well...it fucking got us here. So, we commemorate their existence, because without them, then potentially no U.S. (see what I did there?)
What's really funny about all of the Columbus shaming I see on social media is that the same people who denounce Christianity, and people who believe in religion in general, are the same people who are opposing Columbus. It's like, alright, fair, I agree with you that Columbus was a douche, and you don't like celebrating a douche, but Christ, whether he was the son of God or not, was a really good guy. Yes, I know you don't like the PEOPLE who follow Christianity, but that's not what I'm talking about! I see a lot of you out there that bash him simply because you don't think he was the son of God. Alright, fine, should we take away Christmas?! THANKSGIVING?! Are you trying to take all of your free off-days from work off of the calendar entirely? Do you hate your family that much that when you get an off day for a nationally recognized holiday you have to find reasons to hate the off time you have only to later post articles about how Europe gets 2 months vacation and "Why don't we?!?!?!?!" Do. You. SEE?! I'm beginning to think Bi-polar isn't a disorder anymore. It's the norm.
Everyone loves focusing on all of the awful things that have happened and are happening, and trust me I can definitely be as cynical as they come, but as of late I'm starting to get real sick and tired of everyone constantly looking at every single negative aspect without AT LEAST inspecting the good that has come from these historical (or otherwise) events you want to criticize so harshly.
Please, for the love of Allah, just stop. I'm sure some of you out there are like, "And that's why we should focus on Lief Erickson Day, because theoretically he found North America first." Seriously? Do I have to explain to you that he was a Viking? You do know what Vikings were known for, right? Raping and pillaging. The same shit you're pissed off at JUST Christopher Columbus for, as if he douchebagged all by himself.
For everyone advocating for Native American rights and/or honoring them for enduring 500+ years of tyranny, monarchy, and then democracy that's fine. And those who are saying "They're the real discoverers of this continent!" That's all fine and dandy, too. Unfortunately, though, they're not what make up the vast majority of this country. Even their children's children's children make up a very very small minority. They were clearly dealt the shit end of the stick. They were peaceful people who didn't want to kill anyone. They were killed by those douchebags I mentioned, and fortunately there are still some left. The unfortunate part is that historically (still) the people, who conquered other people to retain land, are the people who are remembered.
If you start deconstructing every single historical event, I'm 100% sure you'll find information that will shock and appall you. But like I said, there's no doubt that parts of history absolutely sucked. It's up to us to make sure that awful shit like raping, pillaging, and genociding never becomes a standard ever again.
So can we stop with this Columbus shit every year? Please? It's exhausting. He was around hundreds of years ago and he's dead.
Especially you Christ/Religion-Columbus haters. You're the worst of them all! At least make some fucking sense.
What's the opposite of thank you?
- PatInTheHat
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