It isn't the nightmares
It isn't speeding cars on a highway
It isn't the dark
It isn't Muslims
It isn't a broken heart
It isn't Christians
It isn't the last breath
It isn't the apex of a tall building
It isn't the curmudgeon at school
It isn't Corporate America
It isn't the dripping faucet
It isn't the unappealing sound from the vent
It isn't six feet under water
It isn't the cold
It isn't your inability to swim
It isn't race
It isn't women
It isn't time
It isn't pollution itself
It isn't the rich
It isn't the downtrodden
It isn't the police
It isn't war
It isn't a world leader
It isn't a failing economy
It isn't free falling from miles up
It isn't a house
It isn't an animal
It isn't the past
It isn't the future, certainly
It isn't the fake super model
It isn't the crazy pundit
It isn't the hipster
It isn't the stripper
It isn't the lawyer
It isn't the reindeer in the park
It isn't guns
It isn't technology
It isn't ailment
It isn't any of those things
Because the truth is
It's always been you
- PatInTheHat
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
No (Grumpy Pat Ed.)
Sorry, nope.
Absolutely not.
There's literally nothing you can do or say to stop me.
Spontaneous combustion? Instantaneous death? Cancer?
Bring it on!
I don't care if the information is coming from the World Health Organization or the Three Little Pigs: I'm. Eating. Bacon.
In case you guys haven't noticed: This world blows. There are only so few things we have on this ridiculous place that we can actually enjoy, and bacon is one of things that I can't. I won't. I would never let anyone take away from me.
Nope. Mmm mm (shakes head). No.
As much as I love bacon, my reason for choosing to not follow the news that bacon is a cancer hazard similar to smoking tobacco does not come from just my subjective love for bacon consumption. There is also some logic behind this thirst for pork bellies.
1. (And this is obviously more subjective, but still relevant) Bacon makes me happier than you. I don't know who or what you are or where you're from, but bacon does something that you, whoever you are, just can't do--make me happy in seconds. (Yes, I'm absolutely being facetious, but all kidding aside, bacon makes me happy. Shut up, don't judge me!)
2. First off (and to get more serious), everything should be eaten in moderation. From certain fruits, plants, meats, candies, etc. Every single thing should be eaten in moderation. Secondly, there's something inherently incorrect about saying that the hazard of getting cancer from processed meat is on the same or similar level of smoking tobacco. I'm kinda surprised doctors aren't writing articles in rebuttal to these "findings," but for one: There is something that is very different between our pulmonary cells (lung cells) and almost every other cell in our body (with the exception of brain and nerve cells) and that is they don't grow back. Our lung cells are in a constant state of the cellular reproduction cycle called "G-zero," where no matter how damaged or torn our lungs get, they can't repair/reproduce new, healthy cells. This is NOT true for every other part of our body minus the ones that I've mentioned. Since pulmonary cells can't repair, they are more likely to mutate into cancerous cells than any other section of our bodies minus those other areas that I mentioned: the brain and nerves. So, to say that bacon or any other processed meats are on the same level as smoking tobacco is, in my opinion (although an educated one), completely bogus, and sounds like some strange scare tactic to get us to buy, what, more veggies from farmers? I have no idea.
3. I'm quite sick of vegetarians tooting their whistle every time something like this comes out about meat. "See! Everyone should be eating veggies! You guys are dumbasses! Die meat eaters!" First off, uhhh, we're all omnivores. You learned this word in grade school science class. It means that we, us humans, can eat veggies and meat. Part of that class told us why we SHOULDN'T treat veggies as a prime source of nutrients, and it's because our body is incapable of converting many veggies into caloric energy and/or proper proteins to rebuild our muscles. Moreover, vegetarians don't even live that much longer than everyone who eats a normal diet. In fact, by the time we're 80, the statistical probability of having or getting heart disease (since that's the one disease that is talked about even more often than cancer) is negligible.* Average expected life is approximately 77 years as is. By that time, life is basically over anyway. I don't care if you think your veggies will let you live, in the grand scheme of things, like 5 minutes longer than me. I really don't care. I've been running for 14 years of my life. Should I shove it down your throat that you're a lazy piece of shit that never works out, and that I'll definitely live longer than you, because I exercise? No. No, I won't. Because I'm not a major douche-fuck. An asshole sometimes? Yes. But not a major douche-fuck. Glad that's cleared up.
I posted a similar article about sleep not long ago. In it I talked about how life expectancy decreases with bad sleep habits. This is true, but, again, the question is: Did it make you happier to not sleep? Did you go out to have and make good times happen? Similarly, does it make you happier to have meat in your life? If the answer to these questions are "yes," then you're doing exactly what you should be doing with your life. The same goes for you vegetarians. If it makes you happy to be a veggie, then good! And don't tell me you're trying to save everyone's lives by being that "I told you so" asshole when articles like this come out. You just want to be right. Don't be that Jehovah's Witness asshole that knocks on everyone's social media to shove your vegetarian propaganda down everyone's throat.
Deal?
Deal.
We all die in the end. Other than suicide and those who are murdered by psychopaths, who cares how our demise happens?
Bacon?
Bacon.
- PatInTheHat
*http://www.lifeextension.com/magazine/2006/1/awsi/Page-01
Absolutely not.
There's literally nothing you can do or say to stop me.
Spontaneous combustion? Instantaneous death? Cancer?
Bring it on!
I don't care if the information is coming from the World Health Organization or the Three Little Pigs: I'm. Eating. Bacon.
In case you guys haven't noticed: This world blows. There are only so few things we have on this ridiculous place that we can actually enjoy, and bacon is one of things that I can't. I won't. I would never let anyone take away from me.
Nope. Mmm mm (shakes head). No.
As much as I love bacon, my reason for choosing to not follow the news that bacon is a cancer hazard similar to smoking tobacco does not come from just my subjective love for bacon consumption. There is also some logic behind this thirst for pork bellies.
1. (And this is obviously more subjective, but still relevant) Bacon makes me happier than you. I don't know who or what you are or where you're from, but bacon does something that you, whoever you are, just can't do--make me happy in seconds. (Yes, I'm absolutely being facetious, but all kidding aside, bacon makes me happy. Shut up, don't judge me!)
2. First off (and to get more serious), everything should be eaten in moderation. From certain fruits, plants, meats, candies, etc. Every single thing should be eaten in moderation. Secondly, there's something inherently incorrect about saying that the hazard of getting cancer from processed meat is on the same or similar level of smoking tobacco. I'm kinda surprised doctors aren't writing articles in rebuttal to these "findings," but for one: There is something that is very different between our pulmonary cells (lung cells) and almost every other cell in our body (with the exception of brain and nerve cells) and that is they don't grow back. Our lung cells are in a constant state of the cellular reproduction cycle called "G-zero," where no matter how damaged or torn our lungs get, they can't repair/reproduce new, healthy cells. This is NOT true for every other part of our body minus the ones that I've mentioned. Since pulmonary cells can't repair, they are more likely to mutate into cancerous cells than any other section of our bodies minus those other areas that I mentioned: the brain and nerves. So, to say that bacon or any other processed meats are on the same level as smoking tobacco is, in my opinion (although an educated one), completely bogus, and sounds like some strange scare tactic to get us to buy, what, more veggies from farmers? I have no idea.
3. I'm quite sick of vegetarians tooting their whistle every time something like this comes out about meat. "See! Everyone should be eating veggies! You guys are dumbasses! Die meat eaters!" First off, uhhh, we're all omnivores. You learned this word in grade school science class. It means that we, us humans, can eat veggies and meat. Part of that class told us why we SHOULDN'T treat veggies as a prime source of nutrients, and it's because our body is incapable of converting many veggies into caloric energy and/or proper proteins to rebuild our muscles. Moreover, vegetarians don't even live that much longer than everyone who eats a normal diet. In fact, by the time we're 80, the statistical probability of having or getting heart disease (since that's the one disease that is talked about even more often than cancer) is negligible.* Average expected life is approximately 77 years as is. By that time, life is basically over anyway. I don't care if you think your veggies will let you live, in the grand scheme of things, like 5 minutes longer than me. I really don't care. I've been running for 14 years of my life. Should I shove it down your throat that you're a lazy piece of shit that never works out, and that I'll definitely live longer than you, because I exercise? No. No, I won't. Because I'm not a major douche-fuck. An asshole sometimes? Yes. But not a major douche-fuck. Glad that's cleared up.
I posted a similar article about sleep not long ago. In it I talked about how life expectancy decreases with bad sleep habits. This is true, but, again, the question is: Did it make you happier to not sleep? Did you go out to have and make good times happen? Similarly, does it make you happier to have meat in your life? If the answer to these questions are "yes," then you're doing exactly what you should be doing with your life. The same goes for you vegetarians. If it makes you happy to be a veggie, then good! And don't tell me you're trying to save everyone's lives by being that "I told you so" asshole when articles like this come out. You just want to be right. Don't be that Jehovah's Witness asshole that knocks on everyone's social media to shove your vegetarian propaganda down everyone's throat.
Deal?
Deal.
We all die in the end. Other than suicide and those who are murdered by psychopaths, who cares how our demise happens?
Bacon?
Bacon.
- PatInTheHat
*http://www.lifeextension.com/magazine/2006/1/awsi/Page-01
Monday, October 26, 2015
Om Du Vill
Om du vill
I could turn around and walk away
And make pretend this never existed
Om du vill
I could reach into the abyss
Into the cold darkness that flooded your heart
It would suffocate me
But if I could give you warmth
I would do it
Om du vill
I could climb to the highest tower
To the analogy I feel when I'm with you
It would frighten me
But if my presence keeps you high
I would do it
Om du vill
I could flick the switch on Winter
Switch the frigidity to fervor
It would tire me
But if it saves you from yourself
I would do it
Om du vill
I could turn around and walk away
And make pretend this never existed
It would kill me
It will
...
Om du vill
I could take one last breath
One last exhale into the opposing winds
It could start us all over again
We could be reborn
And I would do it
I would do it
I would do it
Kommer du?
Om du vill
I could turn around and walk away
And make pretend this never existed
Om du vill
I could reach into the abyss
Into the cold darkness that flooded your heart
It would suffocate me
But if I could give you warmth
I would do it
Om du vill
I could climb to the highest tower
To the analogy I feel when I'm with you
It would frighten me
But if my presence keeps you high
I would do it
Om du vill
I could flick the switch on Winter
Switch the frigidity to fervor
It would tire me
But if it saves you from yourself
I would do it
Om du vill
I could turn around and walk away
And make pretend this never existed
It would kill me
It will
...
Om du vill
I could take one last breath
One last exhale into the opposing winds
It could start us all over again
We could be reborn
And I would do it
I would do it
I would do it
Kommer du?
Om du vill
Friday, October 23, 2015
Paint Me A Picture
Mental illness.
We all know someone who suffers from some type of mental illness. It's no easy task helping a friend with it. It's hard. It's hard for them. It's hard for us. It takes indomitable patience from both sides; it takes indomitable perseverance.
One of the more common misdiagnosed and many times undiagnosed mental ailments is depression. It's not undiagnosed because the psychiatrist isn't sure, but rather that the patient never goes to see the psychiatrist in the first place. The patient is in such a high state of self-conflict that he/she doesn't want anyone to know the issue even exists.
Sometimes depression is temporary. Temporary because of heart break. Temporary because someone in our families died. Temporary because of a cold, dark, seemingly endless winter. Temporary because of a struggling life: bad grades, bad work performance, not accomplishing the sports achievements we feel should be within our reach, etc.
Over the course of my life, I have felt this type of depression (I'm sure many, if not all of you have, too). For me, and something I've written about in previous posts in either story form or in my numerous and lengthy rants, depression feels not only like sadness, but also like there is a giant weight on my chest. An immovable force when I wake up in the morning. Or that my lungs feel like they're filled with inexpellable water. This same type of feeling has been described to me by others who have also suffered or suffer from depression. Another experience I've been able to relate is being "scatter-brained." For me, this happens when the chemical balance in my head is still too volatile. I'm unable to be creative; I'm unable to say what I feel; I'm unable--almost incapable--of venting. This happens, again for me, because the emotional toll would be seemingly far too enormous to handle. If you guys want to know why I keep things close to my chest, and why I sort of disappear from time to time, this is why.
Those with worse symptoms than I've described, i.e. self-infliction, suicidal tendencies, etc.generally exhibit the scatter-brained/always wanting to be alone symptoms as well--this part not from experience, but from psych journals everywhere.
All of that aside, (and forgive me for coming across as Jr. psychologist for a moment) it is well documented that some of our favorite artists were pretty depressed. One that I'd like to focus on specifically is Vincent Van Gogh. Now, his ending didn't turn out too well, as his depression ended up getting the best of him, but he painted beautiful and colorful pictures to perhaps quell his suicidal tendencies. Even when no one cared about his paintings, he likely created many of the paintings for himself. He painted himself colorful pictures so that in the sea of grey that he saw each day that he woke up, he could see the color in his paint and in his paintings.
One of the things that HAVE helped me from time to time, when I was finally able to talk about anything and write some things, is being as vivid as possible. I can't draw or paint worth a damn. I've mentioned before that music helps me see color, so that's always a plus, but sometimes music feels grey, too.
Point: To our friends who we're concerned about in their depressive state whether temporary or permanent chemical imbalances, it might be advantageous of us to ask them to paint us a picture. If they can't paint or draw like me, then maybe ask them to write you a colorful story. It will be a challenge for them, no doubt, but I think the act of asking them could be motivation for them to put their mind on things that might make them happy. It could also lead them to painting or writing about sad/morbid topics, but this, too, might help them cope with the pain their feeling. Perhaps it can help them out of their scatter-brained state. It might even get them to come out with friends more often.
A lot of situations in life are about taking the very first step. A lot of times, the first step is the hardest to take, but once one foot goes in front of the other, the other tends to follow. Objects in motion stay in motion unless otherwise opposed. It's one of Newton's laws of physics, but I think it can definitely apply to all of us. We'd like to be the motor and the key that turns some of our tendencies on and off, but there are times when someone else is better off having that key--helping us turn the motor over.
Everyone always talks about the little things making big impacts. So, let's try to focus on that when it comes to our friends, and see if we can help them get out of their rut. Even if it's not just a rut--something they need to take medication for--the effort that you show them to help them feel better speaks volumes. Since it seems like many of us are doing our best to combat mental illness with mental health awareness campaigns, let's do our part by doing all of the little things that our friends may need to get by.
If any one of you out there needs someone to talk to, I'm always available. And hey, if there's nothing you want to talk about, then paint me a picture =)
- PatInTheHat
We all know someone who suffers from some type of mental illness. It's no easy task helping a friend with it. It's hard. It's hard for them. It's hard for us. It takes indomitable patience from both sides; it takes indomitable perseverance.
One of the more common misdiagnosed and many times undiagnosed mental ailments is depression. It's not undiagnosed because the psychiatrist isn't sure, but rather that the patient never goes to see the psychiatrist in the first place. The patient is in such a high state of self-conflict that he/she doesn't want anyone to know the issue even exists.
Sometimes depression is temporary. Temporary because of heart break. Temporary because someone in our families died. Temporary because of a cold, dark, seemingly endless winter. Temporary because of a struggling life: bad grades, bad work performance, not accomplishing the sports achievements we feel should be within our reach, etc.
Over the course of my life, I have felt this type of depression (I'm sure many, if not all of you have, too). For me, and something I've written about in previous posts in either story form or in my numerous and lengthy rants, depression feels not only like sadness, but also like there is a giant weight on my chest. An immovable force when I wake up in the morning. Or that my lungs feel like they're filled with inexpellable water. This same type of feeling has been described to me by others who have also suffered or suffer from depression. Another experience I've been able to relate is being "scatter-brained." For me, this happens when the chemical balance in my head is still too volatile. I'm unable to be creative; I'm unable to say what I feel; I'm unable--almost incapable--of venting. This happens, again for me, because the emotional toll would be seemingly far too enormous to handle. If you guys want to know why I keep things close to my chest, and why I sort of disappear from time to time, this is why.
Those with worse symptoms than I've described, i.e. self-infliction, suicidal tendencies, etc.generally exhibit the scatter-brained/always wanting to be alone symptoms as well--this part not from experience, but from psych journals everywhere.
All of that aside, (and forgive me for coming across as Jr. psychologist for a moment) it is well documented that some of our favorite artists were pretty depressed. One that I'd like to focus on specifically is Vincent Van Gogh. Now, his ending didn't turn out too well, as his depression ended up getting the best of him, but he painted beautiful and colorful pictures to perhaps quell his suicidal tendencies. Even when no one cared about his paintings, he likely created many of the paintings for himself. He painted himself colorful pictures so that in the sea of grey that he saw each day that he woke up, he could see the color in his paint and in his paintings.
One of the things that HAVE helped me from time to time, when I was finally able to talk about anything and write some things, is being as vivid as possible. I can't draw or paint worth a damn. I've mentioned before that music helps me see color, so that's always a plus, but sometimes music feels grey, too.
Point: To our friends who we're concerned about in their depressive state whether temporary or permanent chemical imbalances, it might be advantageous of us to ask them to paint us a picture. If they can't paint or draw like me, then maybe ask them to write you a colorful story. It will be a challenge for them, no doubt, but I think the act of asking them could be motivation for them to put their mind on things that might make them happy. It could also lead them to painting or writing about sad/morbid topics, but this, too, might help them cope with the pain their feeling. Perhaps it can help them out of their scatter-brained state. It might even get them to come out with friends more often.
A lot of situations in life are about taking the very first step. A lot of times, the first step is the hardest to take, but once one foot goes in front of the other, the other tends to follow. Objects in motion stay in motion unless otherwise opposed. It's one of Newton's laws of physics, but I think it can definitely apply to all of us. We'd like to be the motor and the key that turns some of our tendencies on and off, but there are times when someone else is better off having that key--helping us turn the motor over.
Everyone always talks about the little things making big impacts. So, let's try to focus on that when it comes to our friends, and see if we can help them get out of their rut. Even if it's not just a rut--something they need to take medication for--the effort that you show them to help them feel better speaks volumes. Since it seems like many of us are doing our best to combat mental illness with mental health awareness campaigns, let's do our part by doing all of the little things that our friends may need to get by.
If any one of you out there needs someone to talk to, I'm always available. And hey, if there's nothing you want to talk about, then paint me a picture =)
- PatInTheHat
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
The Dark Side
Welp, you did it.
That's right, you. The ones who watched a trailer about aliens in space and created a see-through facade of racial bias.
Quick question: Do you wake up in the morning and inherently hate yourself? Do you hate yourself so much that you think you need to outwardly hate others for no reason with the idea that you can expel your inward hatred this way? Are you dumb? Are you ignorant?
You don't have to answer these questions--I already know the answer.
Do you like Jedis? I don't think you like Jedis. There is basically no way you like Jedis or understand anything about Star Wars if you're bashing a person of a certain race for playing a main character. Do you watch Star Wars to be A PART of the Dark Side? Do you think the Dark Side is the good guys? Do you think they're the ones that prevail? Well, newsflash, they never win. They can't win. They won't win. And neither will you. The common good always defeats the common degraders. If you watched any of the previous Star Wars movies, you would know this.
Do you ever ask yourself why? Why you're full of shit? Why you're so dependent on spewing vile venom that is ignorant racism to get off?
Do you ever ask yourself what your purpose is? Have you wondered why you were brought up with the love of your family only to throw all of that away to hate? Do you think the Bible wants you to hate? Do you REALLY think the Bible wants you to hate? The Torah? The Quran?
My guess is you're a "religious person." My guess is you're lost in the malicious discontent of the Old Testament, where your "Father" enjoys the tidings of complete and total genocide. Is this where your hate comes from? Should we all just get wiped out and leave you here to rule a world of 1? A human race that cannot be started with one, but at least two and preferably many?
Do you know what humility is? Is "narcissism" and/or "narcissistic" words you have heard of? It's routed in the agenda of the self. Caring about "number 1" way more and way more often than anyone else around you.
Does this racism make you feel in control? Do you feel like in order to make yourself feel better, you ,and people of the same color of your skin, need to believe you are far superior than anyone who has different skin color? Does that actually make sense to you? Is that ridicule for simply being born in a specific region or by ancestors born in a specific region the route of love? If your answer is yes: Are you serious? Did you think about that long enough? I already know the answer to that, too.
Maybe we should banish you. What do you think? How about we all do our very best to banish you for no reason. Well, actually, there is a reason: You're a racist asshole who has no place in this world, let alone this country.
The 1960's are far away. They feel far away because I can only comprehend 3 years after I was born (the early 90's) and after. The 1960's are far away, but days like today the 1960's feel very close. Bigotry, ignorance, and a certain clout from a group of people who should have little to no authority over anything.
Boycotting a movie for having a lead character with skin color other than your own.
Hmm.
In order to break the cycle of hatred, I will say this: I don't hate you--I feel sorry for you.
You're a rodent. A vermin. A leech. I hope you get fixed. In more ways than one.
Sometimes the best way to pacify a crying child is by ignoring it. I think it's time you receive the same treatment from now until the rest of eternity.
Here's to hoping.
- PatInTheHat
Monday, October 12, 2015
Are We Going To Do This Every Year?
Hey, look, it's that day of the year where everyone lambastes that guy who is the supposed founder of North America in 1492.
What. In the actual. Fuck.
Look, I get it. More historical documents turned up over the last few years that might make this guy seem like a total douche, but let me give you one swift fucking reminder why you're part of this country to begin with: Douches came over seas. They douched everything up. And then America was born. And, hey, guess what? Surprise! IT'S FILLED WITH DOUCHES!
I mean, come on, think about it. It's a tale as old as time. People from one country who want more space to roam free go to another country filled with people they deem to be lesser, and then they war people in the area of land they wanted, a country or a continent, won that war and continued on to do the same thing over and over again (until someone else beat them; see: Roman Empire). Does it suck that empires and countries are created in violence? Yes, it does, but that's history for you. It's up to us to make sure history doesn't repeat itself with same kind of douchebaggery that got us here, but it should be noted that the douchebaggery that DID get us here...well...it fucking got us here. So, we commemorate their existence, because without them, then potentially no U.S. (see what I did there?)
What's really funny about all of the Columbus shaming I see on social media is that the same people who denounce Christianity, and people who believe in religion in general, are the same people who are opposing Columbus. It's like, alright, fair, I agree with you that Columbus was a douche, and you don't like celebrating a douche, but Christ, whether he was the son of God or not, was a really good guy. Yes, I know you don't like the PEOPLE who follow Christianity, but that's not what I'm talking about! I see a lot of you out there that bash him simply because you don't think he was the son of God. Alright, fine, should we take away Christmas?! THANKSGIVING?! Are you trying to take all of your free off-days from work off of the calendar entirely? Do you hate your family that much that when you get an off day for a nationally recognized holiday you have to find reasons to hate the off time you have only to later post articles about how Europe gets 2 months vacation and "Why don't we?!?!?!?!" Do. You. SEE?! I'm beginning to think Bi-polar isn't a disorder anymore. It's the norm.
Everyone loves focusing on all of the awful things that have happened and are happening, and trust me I can definitely be as cynical as they come, but as of late I'm starting to get real sick and tired of everyone constantly looking at every single negative aspect without AT LEAST inspecting the good that has come from these historical (or otherwise) events you want to criticize so harshly.
Please, for the love of Allah, just stop. I'm sure some of you out there are like, "And that's why we should focus on Lief Erickson Day, because theoretically he found North America first." Seriously? Do I have to explain to you that he was a Viking? You do know what Vikings were known for, right? Raping and pillaging. The same shit you're pissed off at JUST Christopher Columbus for, as if he douchebagged all by himself.
For everyone advocating for Native American rights and/or honoring them for enduring 500+ years of tyranny, monarchy, and then democracy that's fine. And those who are saying "They're the real discoverers of this continent!" That's all fine and dandy, too. Unfortunately, though, they're not what make up the vast majority of this country. Even their children's children's children make up a very very small minority. They were clearly dealt the shit end of the stick. They were peaceful people who didn't want to kill anyone. They were killed by those douchebags I mentioned, and fortunately there are still some left. The unfortunate part is that historically (still) the people, who conquered other people to retain land, are the people who are remembered.
If you start deconstructing every single historical event, I'm 100% sure you'll find information that will shock and appall you. But like I said, there's no doubt that parts of history absolutely sucked. It's up to us to make sure that awful shit like raping, pillaging, and genociding never becomes a standard ever again.
So can we stop with this Columbus shit every year? Please? It's exhausting. He was around hundreds of years ago and he's dead.
Especially you Christ/Religion-Columbus haters. You're the worst of them all! At least make some fucking sense.
What's the opposite of thank you?
- PatInTheHat
What. In the actual. Fuck.
Look, I get it. More historical documents turned up over the last few years that might make this guy seem like a total douche, but let me give you one swift fucking reminder why you're part of this country to begin with: Douches came over seas. They douched everything up. And then America was born. And, hey, guess what? Surprise! IT'S FILLED WITH DOUCHES!
I mean, come on, think about it. It's a tale as old as time. People from one country who want more space to roam free go to another country filled with people they deem to be lesser, and then they war people in the area of land they wanted, a country or a continent, won that war and continued on to do the same thing over and over again (until someone else beat them; see: Roman Empire). Does it suck that empires and countries are created in violence? Yes, it does, but that's history for you. It's up to us to make sure history doesn't repeat itself with same kind of douchebaggery that got us here, but it should be noted that the douchebaggery that DID get us here...well...it fucking got us here. So, we commemorate their existence, because without them, then potentially no U.S. (see what I did there?)
What's really funny about all of the Columbus shaming I see on social media is that the same people who denounce Christianity, and people who believe in religion in general, are the same people who are opposing Columbus. It's like, alright, fair, I agree with you that Columbus was a douche, and you don't like celebrating a douche, but Christ, whether he was the son of God or not, was a really good guy. Yes, I know you don't like the PEOPLE who follow Christianity, but that's not what I'm talking about! I see a lot of you out there that bash him simply because you don't think he was the son of God. Alright, fine, should we take away Christmas?! THANKSGIVING?! Are you trying to take all of your free off-days from work off of the calendar entirely? Do you hate your family that much that when you get an off day for a nationally recognized holiday you have to find reasons to hate the off time you have only to later post articles about how Europe gets 2 months vacation and "Why don't we?!?!?!?!" Do. You. SEE?! I'm beginning to think Bi-polar isn't a disorder anymore. It's the norm.
Everyone loves focusing on all of the awful things that have happened and are happening, and trust me I can definitely be as cynical as they come, but as of late I'm starting to get real sick and tired of everyone constantly looking at every single negative aspect without AT LEAST inspecting the good that has come from these historical (or otherwise) events you want to criticize so harshly.
Please, for the love of Allah, just stop. I'm sure some of you out there are like, "And that's why we should focus on Lief Erickson Day, because theoretically he found North America first." Seriously? Do I have to explain to you that he was a Viking? You do know what Vikings were known for, right? Raping and pillaging. The same shit you're pissed off at JUST Christopher Columbus for, as if he douchebagged all by himself.
For everyone advocating for Native American rights and/or honoring them for enduring 500+ years of tyranny, monarchy, and then democracy that's fine. And those who are saying "They're the real discoverers of this continent!" That's all fine and dandy, too. Unfortunately, though, they're not what make up the vast majority of this country. Even their children's children's children make up a very very small minority. They were clearly dealt the shit end of the stick. They were peaceful people who didn't want to kill anyone. They were killed by those douchebags I mentioned, and fortunately there are still some left. The unfortunate part is that historically (still) the people, who conquered other people to retain land, are the people who are remembered.
If you start deconstructing every single historical event, I'm 100% sure you'll find information that will shock and appall you. But like I said, there's no doubt that parts of history absolutely sucked. It's up to us to make sure that awful shit like raping, pillaging, and genociding never becomes a standard ever again.
So can we stop with this Columbus shit every year? Please? It's exhausting. He was around hundreds of years ago and he's dead.
Especially you Christ/Religion-Columbus haters. You're the worst of them all! At least make some fucking sense.
What's the opposite of thank you?
- PatInTheHat
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