Scavengers

The corporate world is a strange place.

I'm sure I've made that point pretty clear through previous posts, but in case I haven't made it crystal clear, there ya have it. And here's some more fuel to the fire.

One of the stranger times of day is lunch time. If you're new to a company in corporate America, then you probably don't have any work friends. Even if you had people you could call "work friends" it certainly doesn't guarantee that they will ask you to go to lunch with them. I'm not saying this is a mandatory thing to do among co-workers. It's definitely not. But there is about a 30-minute period between 11:50 and 12:20 that anything can happen.

Either you decide that you're getting lunch yourself--which is something that I tend to do the majority of the time--or you ask a co-worker to get lunch with you or a co-worker does the same. Luckily my aunt works in the same building I do, so I just go eat with her. It's considerably less awkward that way anyway. Once I actually sit down to have lunch with co-workers--other than my aunt--it's basically just as awkward because no one wants to accidentally say anything offensive.

In my department we have this one guy, who is right under the VP of the tax department, who, if we all have lunch together, always jokes at the lunch table and sometimes using vulgarity. It certainly lightens the mood, but you can never reciprocate his actions/words or else it's considered unprofessional all the sudden.

I wish that was the strangest occurrence.

The strangest occurrence for me, especially as it relates to lunch time, is the ritual feeding of the higher-ups who are having meetings throughout the day. These wealthy entrepreneurs gather in a conference room and are fed, free of charge, at lunch time. Sometimes they get full buffets, too, with those hot steel trays that you saw at prom that held the meatballs, veal, mashed potatoes, etc.

I'm using the word "strange," but really these kinds of things irk me. I mean, you're kidding me, right? I know how this country is set up. The wealthier you are, the less you have to pay. It's privilege as far as the eye can see, and I'm sure if I ever got to their positions I'd feel grateful. But that's bullshit, isn't it? Why do we, the intern, along with other colleagues in the department, that earns pittance in comparison, have to pay for our own lunch, but you, magistrates, get to mosey on over to a kitchen right outside of the room you are having these meetings for free food and drinks?

Ha, they don't want us to feel forgotten about, though. If they leave anything uneaten, guess where it goes! That's right, the food we weren't supposed to eat finally comes to us. The dogs of the company finally get their bone. And what's always left? The stuff that no one ever wants to eat. Just to put that in comparison for you pet owners out there, that's the equivalent of you dropping something on the floor, and whistling to your dog to clean up the mess.

Doesn't that just make you feel all warm, fuzzy, and wanted?!

No, it doesn't.

About 20 minutes ago, one of those ritual moments occurred when someone from our department discovered that some food was left over for us! Like a flock of starving seagulls, half of the department, who, by the way, make substantially more than I do, practically sprinted to the food to make sure they got some before anyone else did. None of those people included me, because I had no idea what happened until it was explained a little later. What did I find when I got there other than a sign that everyone started to ignore that said, "Do not eat, please. For Executive lunch"? Some salad with no dressing.

Mmm, fucking yum.

There are times like these where I wish I was back in high school and could just draw penises and other graffiti all over shit you didn't approve of. Back then, it was socially acceptable to do this. And then, I shit you not, things actually changed. People got the message. If you did this kind of stuff in corporate America, all you get is a pink slip that says, "Don't come back tomorrow," if they figure out it was you, anyway.

Heaven forbid you disagree with common practices. -.- Grumble grumble.

- PatInTheHat

All About You

Hey there everyone! Hope you're doing well. This post is specifically for everyone out there who has been reading this blog over the past couple months, which going by my views (just under 3,000!) has been a good amount of you! So, thank you!

As I've explained to a few of you out there who have asked, I didn't start out writing the blog for anyone other than mostly myself. It serves as a decent creative and emotional outlet, but it's an outlet that I created, too, in order for all of you to get know a little more about me--perhaps that was about 20% of the reason.

Over the past, whatever, year-ish I've kept my distance from a lot of you. I only hope that you have not taken that personally! It had nothing to do with any of you, and you know who you are. I just needed my time for a while--which is something in my earlier life that I didn't have much of.

That said, under no obligation to you, of course, I would love for this blog to become more interactive. Although the comments from all of you out there have been phenomenal--whether through here or social networks--I don't mean comments (but please keep them coming)! I've been privileged to have you intelligent readers pose very thought-provoking questions, and since that's been the case I'd like to see how this goes:

I'd like to hear from you what you think some really important topics are. Social media, the internet, and, of course, the news are great places to find new information, but I can't find it all! If there is something going on that you would like me to write about so the message gets to more people, tell me about it and tell me why it's making you upset/happy/feel any certain way! If you provide an interesting topic, I will write about it and include your name (or an alias if you wish to remain anonymous) within the blog post! I'll also leave you the option of whether you'd like your name tagged in social media in case questions come to you! Lastly, I will show you the full draft of what I've written, and will allow you to add certain points that I may have missed so to be more true to the topic at hand. Understand that all of my previous works have either been editorial pieces, i.e. mostly opinionated, or have been about my life. So, before telling me about a topic, know that my opinions about it, whether they are yours or not, will be put into the article. However, again, you'll be able to read the article before it's posted, so if a happy medium is not reached between the both of us, then the article will not be posted. Fair, right?

A lot of the newer topics I have written on are posts to get a conversation going. To those sharing my posts from time to time, thank you! I'm glad that I'm writing share-able/informative-enough posts. It means a lot!

Now that I've laid everything out on the table, what do you guys say?

Do you trust me?

- PatInTheHat

I Don't F*cking Know

There's something strange about vocal vulgarity.

In any given unappealing scenario, curses roll off the tongue without barely any effort. When we were kids, our parents really tried to prevent us from being so vulgar. In the end, those futile attempts to keep us from the crack-addiction of modern expression practically did the opposite.

Once you get that first taste of delicious vulgarity, you're immediately thankful it's not something that makes us put on weight.

I won't speak for you, but I, for one, welcome the vivacious unscrupulousness of vulgarity. No, not to belittle someone, hurt someone, name call, etc. I, instead, welcome it for other reasons.

For example, sometimes it snows on the first fucking day of Spring. Other times, you're up to your God damn, piece-of-shit neck in student loans with no fucking way to get out for the next 10-20-lifetime amount of years.

Some occasions--and what I like using vulgarity for the most--thinking outside of the box is helped by vulgarity. Now, ok, you're going to say, "But, Pat, that has nothing to do with cursing." You're right, technically it doesn't. Technically it has do with the way our minds are activated when we're angry or ticked off. I find that I do some of my best thinking when I'm livid. Words, ideas, and other phrases pop into my head that don't generally come to mind on the regular.

Thus bringing me to my point: Working in any workplace is hard. How am I supposed to get my creative juices flowing if I can't scream a couple shit-fucks from now and then, huh?

*Fucking Sigh*

- PatInTheHat

The Velocity of Money

Since no one likes to really think about things that depress them or stress them, I'll keep this post brief.

Considering I'm an accountant by trade, it's only about time I talk about something money related that doesn't just have to do with student loans.

The Velocity of money is a concept that is being widely talked about because of the fear that our country is beginning to fall back into another recession or even another Depression, which we haven't had since the 1930s.

By definition, the velocity of money is the number of times one dollar is spent to buy goods and services per unit of time. In other words, if I spend a dollar on gum, and the vendor spends that dollar on indirect costs for their business: like electricity, then that one dollar had a velocity of 2. If I make one dollar, and then decide to save it, then that dollar has a velocity of zero.

Our economy is still so bad that everyone is afraid to buy things. More importantly, no one WANTS to buy things, because as money becomes more scarce while prices on housing, cars, and other things have continued to rise, we all start to think twice about buying that cup of coffee at DD, or buying that sandwich from Wawa. Yes, those are low-priced items in comparison to the house and car I mentioned, but as with all things: If you ignore the little problems, they'll become big problems.

Maybe you are already aware of this, or maybe you're not. The basic point of this post is to make you more conscious of the choices you make. Because if YOU feel like you need to save money, then that likely means many others are doing the same thing. Therefore, how is money circulating the way the economy is supposed to? Well, it's not.

No, it's not your fault that you're saving. I'm not blaming you. I'm simply saying that if people start having gruff with the government (which most of the right-wing is already well ahead of us doing), I wouldn't blame you. But with any problem that you'd have at work, let's start coming up with solutions to the problem instead of just complaining about them. Complaining will get us nowhere.

I know, you're probably not a politician, and you probably feel like your opinion doesn't matter, but that's the furthest from the truth. We, as people of this nation, just need to get a real conversation going. I certainly haven't started it--as I've heard this being discussed on radio outlets already. I am, however, trying to keep the discussion going.

If something like this really bothers you--which it kind of should for the sake of all of us, including yourself--then please keep the conversation going!

I'm sick of worrying about the economic distress that our country is still failing to overcome.

- PatInTheHat

You Don't Know Jack...

...but you will.

_______

Jack Andraka is a straight 35-year-old PhD in biology who has recently developed a way to find the early stages of pancreatic, lung, and ovarian cancers.

Highly respected in his field, Andraka wowed the minds of credible professionals in similar fields. From the birth of his idea--a dip stick in a water, anti-body/proteins solution that is inexpensive, simple, fast, and nearly 100% effective in detecting the early stages of the three previously named cancers--came droves of sponsorships from hospitals and medical professionals around the world. As well known and heralded as he has been in his field, it's no wonder he has been given so much money for continued research and development. He is published in textbooks around the world, and if his plans come to fruition, he will look to win the Nobel Prize in science by the time he is 40.

Like most similar scientists, he may only ever be known by colleagues, peers, and those that read his name in textbooks for the next several hundred years.

______

All of that sounds extraordinary, doesn't it? I think it does!

But here's the thing: Most of what I just told you was a lie.

Jack Andraka is not 35. He's 18. Even though his sexual orientation doesn't matter--because it never does--he's gay, too.

Jack Andraka was not heralded by anyone. In fact, his original ideas were rejected by exactly 199 cancer researching PhDs starting at the age of 13. Even his parents, who ended up funding most of his research by supplying centrifuges and a basement lab, didn't think his research would ultimately be worth it.

His parents, father a civil engineer and mother an anesthetist by trade, were wrong (to start). All of those scientists? They were also wrong. His brother, Luke--2 years his senior--was the sole person in their family to believe in Jack's ambition--and, surprise, he's also pretty smart in his own right. He became Jack's lab partner when things started to take off.

Eventually, Jack did hear back from one professor from John's Hopkins, who decided to have him brought in to explain his idea. Despite some rough patches and a load of criticism--all of which you can find on his wikipedia page*--he's now funded by National Geographics for all of his research.



I had the fantastic privilege of hearing Jack talk yesterday (Sunday) for the closing of this year's Montessori conference. Aside: It's worth noting that I am not a Montessori educator or a teacher. For reasons I will get to in a moment, my significant other, Katie, who is a Montessori teacher, thought it might be a good idea to snag an ID badge from a colleague whom was unable to make it for the day. For that day I was not Pat Monteith. I was Ken Martin, Dean of Students, Philadelphia Montessori. And, man, was I grossly underpaid. I digress...

The day before, when I first learned I would have this privilege, I talked to my father about whether this kid/man/genius/prodigy was more closely related to Einstein or the guy who accidentally created the potato chip. For once, we were not arguing, but simply discussing the odds of him actually being a genius. Since all I had to go off of was wikipedia--or at least that's all I cared to look up at the time--I figured we would leave it at "who knows?" before actually getting to hear him talk.

Spoiler alert: He's a genius.

Along with explaining his (short) life story accompanied with an explanation of what he did, and why it's receiving a lot of attention now, he fielded questions from the audience. There are two questions in particular that he fielded--along with some tearful "thank yous" from other audience members who lost relatives to pancreatic cancer--that I think are pretty important to mention.

1. "Despite all of the adversity and rejection, how did you continue? What made you keep going?"
Answer (paraphrased): Well, there's a funny thing about discovering new science-y things: You can't go by fact! You have to have your own set of creativity that thinks outside of the box in order to make the world a better place, and I believe that creativity is in all of us!

2. Are you in the process of creating new things?
Answer (paraphrased): Well, yes, I'm doing this one thing where...*mind blowing answer about things I only half understood*...Also, I'm in the process of creating nanobots that enter the blood stream and program cells to commit suicide. This way, we can get right to the cancer and kill the cancer from the inside-out.

Another question that deserves honorable mention was one that asked, "How long will it take for your device to enter the market?"
Answer (paraphrased): Well, it should take 5-10 years for more studies by the CDC and other governing bodies to approve of its usefulness. So we're hoping it takes closer to 5.
Rebuttal by asker: Is there any way for us to speed up the process? Fundraising, etc?
Answer (paraphrased): Unfortunately, as far as medical innovations go, it normally takes about 17 years for these kinds of things to go from development to the market, so we're already going at a little faster pace than it normally takes for these things.

In other words, there's nothing more we can do--it's a process.



So, why does Jack Andraka mean anything to me? Why was the first book signing/meet and greet I've ever done/been a part of with someone 5 years my junior? Well his story is a bit similar to mine, except when I got discouraged or had my ideas rejected, I stopped pursuing and went a separate direction.

No, it's not to toot my own horn. It's true. When I was 14, my grandfather died of Melanoma. He was like a second father to me, and I was devastated. Similarly, Jack's uncle died of Pancreatic cancer, thus starting the flow of his creative juices. (You can find out all about his life in his book called "Breakthrough," which is an autobiography of sorts up to this point in his life. I've only read a bit of it so far, but it's quite fascinating to me...) I was just entering my first year at LaSalle when he passed away, and I couldn't wait to start learning about biology, which I was able to do more in-depth my sophomore year. When learning about the cell cycle, something interesting came across my mind: What if we could manipulate cell growth to, at the very least, stop the growth of cancerous cells? For instance--and I'll try not to be too confusing, here, because I know how I felt when Jack spoke and needless to say my brain exploded: cells go through these reproductive stages. More specifically I payed close attention to G1 and G0. G1 is the stage in cellular reproduction where certain chemical reactions occur inside the cell, blah blah blah, and the cell reproduces and keeps doing so until it reaches a point, if ever, of G0. G0, which occurs in only a few specific cells in the human body, i.e. brain cells, pulmonary cells, and nerve cells, is when the certain other chemical reactions happen, blah blah blah, and the cell stops reproducing.

The idea I had only works for cancer where tumors develop. Therefore, sorry, Leukemia and a few other cancers where the invasiveness of a procedure is too risky and costly. My idea encompassed the use of nerve, pulmonary, or brain cells, perhaps through extraction of tissue from living or recently dead organisms, and surrounding the cancer cells with these cells. In other words, connecting cancer tissue to the tissue that is in G0. I thought, since we are organisms that have the ability to learn, that learning could also happen at the cellular level. Ultimately, I thought I could get cancer cells to learn to stop growing.

Long story short, I asked 3 different doctors. 2 basically told me it's not possible. I was younger when I surveyed these two doctors, so it discouraged me and I stopped trying. It was years later when I was well into the establishing points of my accounting career that I asked the 3rd who told me that what I thought of is currently being worked on. The specifics are different than how I thought of it, because when I was younger I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that the cancer cells are constantly mutating--which means it's hard for them to learn much of anything. The point is, whatever creativity you have with certain ideas, don't be afraid to talk about them! It just might save a ton of lives, or make peoples' lives infinitely easier!

Jack. Did not. Quit.

Before yesterday, I didn't know Jack, but I'll know Jack like I know Einstein for the rest of my life. My goal through this blog is that you do, too. He beat the naysayers, and pushed through an extreme amount of rejection and adversity. In the name of saving our relatives for generations to come, I hope that you remember him, because he deserves to be remembered.

You didn't know Jack, but now you do.**

- PatInTheHat

* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Andraka

** Here's a link to his book! http://www.harpercollins.com/childrens/breakthrough

The Interview

I'm only 23 years of age, but I've had my fair share of interviews up to this point. At an interview you meet very different kinds of people. Some are shy; some are confident; some are far more serious than they should be; some are far too lackadaisical. It's no wonder interviews are generally hard for us to go through: We have no idea the kind of person(s) we're meeting.

Business experts have very specific guidelines as far as interviews go. Ask certain questions, give firm handshakes, act super confident, don't stutter or "umm/uhh" too much. Be clear. Be concise. Blah blah.

Well, there's one thing that I've learned that no "expert" has ever said to me. Not once. Not ever.

Adapt.

It only takes about 2-5 minutes to figure out a person's general personality/general seriousness level. No matter what their personality is, sometimes you have to be a chameleon a bit, because you can't really tell what personality they prefer to listen to/look at (ya know, body expressions) until you see the looks on their faces while you're talking. Generally, if the interviewers are smiling, are engaged into what you're saying, or ask you a lot (or really just a few) questions that aren't super business-generic, then you're probably doing a good job at your interview. 

You see, we don't want to come off as liars, right? We're not trying to be interview swindlers. What we're trying to do, as the interviewers, is find any semblance of control in the interview room.

Interviewers generally want all of the control. They want to give you hardball questions that really make you think. At the very least, they want to give you questions that make them feel smart and make you feel stupid. If this hasn't happened to you yet, it probably will at some point, so hang on to your hats (or hats, if you're a lady).

Panel interviews are the most fun. Unless you're interviewing for a sales position (by the way, don't), then a panel interview is basically one interviewee per a few interviewers. These are very challenging interviews for those who may not have had one before. It's understandable, too. No one in their right mind could ever be truly ready for these, because instead of one personality you, instead, need to adapt to multiple (kinda like you might have had to do with your ex. I digress...) For me, I learned that it's important to try to speak to all of them--meaning: use the best eye-contact deliverance that you can. Also, it's important to know who the head-hancho is. That is, the person who is ultimately going to be making the decision on your future in the end. This person you want to give specific attention to, and perhaps more of your eye-contact.

It's important to show your personality in these information exchanges, too. You're probably dressed in the best suit or dress that you own, so this might come across as a little difficult, because, ya know, that night-dress/party-rocker outfit you have at home is the only uniform your comfortable being personable in, but just do your best, yeah?

Lastly, the best thing you can do for yourself in an interview--no matter how bad you might want that job--is to be straight with them. When I say "adapt" I'm talking about your personality a bit so that you sort of make them like you, so that you're in more control of the interview. That's not what I'm talking about when I say "be straight." What I mean by that is: Tell them, honestly, what you want out of your life. You'd be surprised how well this comes across in interviews. Real, honest answers go a long way. I don't think interviewers nowadays want to hear those arbitrary, spoonfed responses that all those "experts" tell you to say.

For instance, I'm always asked in my interviews where I see myself in 5 years. I always respond with "I don't know..." but I explain that response as to why I'm not sure. Those interview "experts" tell you to never say that, and that you should always have a clear and definitive answer for this question.

I say that's bullshit, because that would mean you and every other interviewer is basically a robot that was programmed to say things that aren't even true. If you KNOW where you want to be in 5-10 years, I think you're kind of full of yourself. I mean, OK, if you really have an answer for that, fine. Go for it. All the power to you. Just make sure that your answer is real to you. Don't try and answer the question in a way that you think will make them happy. 9 times out of 10 when you're real with your interviewer(s) they are just as real with you. Maybe they even tell you that you might not fit into the position because of your higher aspirations or perhaps even lack of aspirations. Maybe they even offer you the job on the spot. Who knows? But either way is fine! There are companies/positions out there that are more like you and what you're looking for. It's definitely hard to be patient in this job market, but in order to be happy with the job you get, I really think you have to be patient.

It's sort of like dating, right? Heh heh, you wouldn't just leap into a relationship with someone you hardly know anything about just because their exterior is promising, right? Heh...

Yeah, don't answer that.

Oh, and good luck on those interviews.

- PatInTheHat

Alley Pat

Nobody likes you when you're 23.

I didn't learn that from a Blink-182 song. And spoiler alert: It has nothing to do with being childlike.

Twenty-three is a strange age. First off, it's the first year after the supposed 5 best years of our lives (17-22), which makes 23 a bit awkward. Secondly, it's 2 years after your 21st birthday and 2 years before your 25th. Twenty-three, for most people, is the age where your life either takes off in the career you worked your ass off for for the past 4 to 5 years, or the age where you realize all the hard work you did was basically useless rendering you dazed, confused, and broke. Twenty three, for what seems like most people, is also the age in your life where you snap out of "naivety," and enter straight into "cynical fuck." In that same time frame, you maybe even realize that "naivety" really had its perks, but it's too late to turn back now. It's that wake-up year where you finally graduate out of the Sophomore class--you just wish that happened 3 years prior. And the best part is that 23 is year where you bring everyone down with you into your hole of seemingly irreparable cynicism.

It's no wonder you're such a shit at 23, right?

About a month away from my 24th birthday, I can officially say it: I hate 23. So what's my main problem?

I love 23, too.

Without this year you, 23-year-old asshole, couldn't have figured out that there are better things out there that can reduce your cynicism to skepticism. Without this year, you douche-fuck, you never would have realized you were way too dumb to live life.

You never would have been able to exist without 23. Think about it.

Most importantly: You never would have realized who to kick the fuck out of your life.

When you meet someone else who is 23, and you realize they are being particularly douchy--you just understand. It's OK, compadre, I understand you. The rest of the world does not, but I do. And I'm perfectly OK with you.

When you meet someone who is over 23 and they are particularly douchy, do yourself a favor: Run. These motherfuckers never understood the power behind 23 like you and I did. Instead of sitting down and thinking about how fucking stupid their lives were at 23, they just decided to go right past 23 and stay at 23. They have 23-itis, and it's incurable. There is no modern medicine strong enough to cure this version of douchebagery. It's impossible.

The only way to cure the ailment of 23 is to get to 24. No, not in age. Age is just a social construct. To get past 23 you need to be 24 in mind, body, and soul. You need to realize that it's time to move on from 23 before it's too late; before it consumes you.

What was my moment, you ask? Well, actually, I had several, but there was one moment that stuck out to me the most. A lesson that I'll always remember for the rest of my life as far as anything and everything goes.

Life will knock the shit out of you at any given moment. It will suck. It will be awful. But like a scar on your skin, you'll be better than ever if you give yourself the time to realize that you can conquer life at will.

I am quite competitive. Those that know me well know that losing is not easy for me to do. (Side note: My ill-will towards losing competitive sport comes from a childhood that constantly reminded me that I would/could never be good enough for anything. At some point, those moments branded into my brain. So, if I ever lose at something because of you or other people, I'm not mad at you or anyone else for winning. In fact, I'm actually telling myself, in my head, that I suck and I'm terrible at everything--way to go--that sort of stuff. It's cognitive to it's core, but I'll conquer that one day, too. I digress...) One of the hobbies in competitive sport I have picked up over the past year is bowling. And yes, you might have guessed, I'm already quite competitive with this, too. So, knowing this, the best advice I could have received this past 24th year (yes, 24th, not 23rd) of my life was this: High five the gutterballs.

Simple, right? I wish. But it's one of the best lessons I could have received while my douche-ness was at a premium. A gutterball is the worst thing you can do in bowling--next to maybe getting goalposts on your strike throw--but the only reasons it troubles us is because of a few things: 1. Other people might think you suck at bowling 2. You might think you suck at bowling. 3. Your hand-eye coordination maybe sucks worse than you thought. If you roll a gutterball in life 1. Other people might think you suck at life. 2. You might think you suck at life. 3. You think that maybe your life sucks worse than you thought.

The thing is: All of that is bullshit. Yes, negative things happen, but quit your mopey bullshit and turn it into a positive! Look at that negative in the face and say, "Fuck you!" Make your life fun! Yes, maybe you do suck at bowling TODAY, but tomorrow you'll conquer the shit out of that bitch. Yes, maybe today was a really shitty day, but forget about it and get ready to kick tomorrow's ass!

So, what's the best way to get the fuck out of 23? That's right...

High five the gutterballs.

And maybe calm the hell down at your bowling league. Yeah.

- PatInTheHat