That's right. You guessed it. Christmas. Music.
Any time this happens way earlier than it should--which, by the way, is every single damn year--the end of the song "Fix You" comes to mind. The "tears stream down your face" part. People in cars next to mine in the worst traffic outside of Honolulu peer through my window to see me hysterically crying. They're probably thinking, "Awh, poor guy. Must have been a bad break-up." Ha! Jokes on you, assholes! I'm crying because of Christmas music!
Now, you're probably thinking: But, Pat, can't you at least use your CD player? But. Pat, ever hear of MP3 jacks? Yeah, let me put a CD in a tape deck and see how that turns out. Yeah, let me plug straight into the cigarette lighter. I drive a '98 Jeep Cherokee. The vehicle is so old it produces its own oil, so it certainly doesn't have any of those devices.
Something else tickled me pink this season, too.. This year a large part of America has a problem with is a cup made by a nationally known cafe--Starbucks. For those that don't have that problem, have a problem WITH THE PEOPLE who have a problem with the cup. It's like an endless cycle of Christmas cheer. The kind of Christmas cheer you see in Grumpy Old Men with Walter Mathau and Jack Lemon. It's a shame that neither of those men got so see the day when people cared about cups so strongly. But don't you worry your little heart! In their place arrives 6'2" sixty-nine year old Donald Trump. The grumpiest of all the men in the world. A mature presidential candidate would probably make a point to say that the criticism against.
Maturity. Is for. The birds.
Donald Trump, the perfect mix of a whiny Bichon Frise and chloroform, made sure to tell everyone to boycott Starbucks, because there wasn't enough pretty pictures on Starbucks cups. Christmas symbols: Snowflakes, trees, and the like, were ixnayed from Starbucks' holiday cups.
Those. Bastards.
If only snowflakes, trees, and other such things had anything to do with the Christian faith, these gripes might make any bit of sense. Unfortunately, most symbols of Christmas are either simply symbols of winter (the snowflakes) or pagan symbols (the tree).
Christmas is the time of year that reminds me that there is no other country in the world I would rather live in than this bass-ackwards one.
It also reminds me, at least for this year, to care less about gifts and more about my new years resolution:
Make sure Trump doesn't become president.
Yeah, that would be a great Christmas present for everyone next year, dontcha think?
- PatInTheHat
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