I was such a good little kid before I was 19. Life changed for me a lot subsequent to turning 19, and that was mostly because the people I surrounded myself with helped me grow up and try new things--explore new places. And by new places I mean all those adult-y places. Those places you only hear about and imagine when you're a teenager; for instance, bars, clubs, raves, etc. As I got closer to 21, I became more curious of these places. Once I turned 21, it was time.
Curiosity killed this cat.
Bars? They were fine! Wanna drink? Let's drink! *Does "woo girl" impersonation* Certain clubs? Pfft, shut up, and dance with me, am-I-right?
But there were other places. Scary places. Places that you think you'd be OK with, but in actuality not so much. Places that you could probably go to if you wanted to, but you really needed that experienced friend to kinda nudge you, egg you on a bit to go. That was me, who needed to be nudged. Naive me. After the bars and the clubs I thought, "Pfft, I can do ANYthing!" But, then, one night--one dark, dreary, rainy summer night, when the wolves came out to prey on the weak--someone finally said it, "Wanna hit a strip club? *CRACK OF THUNDER!*"
"Pfft, sure, why not?" I inquired with confidence as my friend looked on.
"Let's hit Daydreams," he said with a wry smile, as if to signify that he's been to every strip club this side of the Mississip'.
"Yeah, I mean, whatever. I don't know these places, so if you think that's a good idea, let's do this!"
And there he went. Stupid two-years-younger me setting out on a journey that could only end in one of two ways: Me having an interesting evening--after all, new experiences could be good--or me being absolutely mortified. You can probably guess by my tone that it couldn't have been the former scenario. You'd be right.
"That'll be $25 for the guys, and $10 for the lady," said the bouncer looking on. We went with my then-girlfriend just to make things more awkward. She's not important to the story, but what's important is the $15 DISPARITY BETWEEN BEING A MAN AND A WOMAN GOING TO A STRIP CLUB. HOLY HELL!
"Yeah, here's my arm," I retorted sarcastically while in process of taking out my month's allowance.
At this point I look up at the sign and it says, "Daydreams. We wear nothing but a smile =D"
Was I excited? No, actually, at this point I was annoyed by the slogan. We walk inside.
____________________
It was like a porn wonderland for people who didn't have access to internet. There were naked girls as far as the eye could see thrusting their vaginas in the faces of their audiences. My buddy takes me and the gee eff to sit right by a "show." This show could have been called "gyrating vagina." It's got a nice ring, yeah? I was wearing a baseball-cap--it might as well have been a seat-belt. Side note: if you want your face thrust into the chest of a performer BY a performer, then don't wear a hat. At first, I regretted that decision, but after everything else I was witnessing, I was pretty content with my hat.
It think I was half-living a nightmare. I was a straight man inside of a place every straight man should be OK with being in (according to the majority of society), but this was too much for me. I was half in a daze. A performer comes up to our part of the railing that separates performers from the audience and she says, "Did you enjoy the show?" My friend and the giffle were quick to respond with a resounding, "Oh yeah!" But I was frozen. Frozen in time. Letting it go was not an option. I nodded with eyes like this: O.O
After the performer walked past, I whisper to my compatriots, "Can...can we go now?"
"But we've only been here for 15 minutes," my friend callously replies. I half-glare at him. We leave.
Needless to say, I won't be doing that again. It was a strange experience (for me, clearly). Looking around the room, there were so many strange men. And I say that, because these strange men were older, and, by their disheveled looks, seemed to forget that there's a life beyond strip-clubs. I felt like I was temporarily a part of a "MAN'S" club. If this is what it meant to be a man, then I never wanted any part of it. I respect the women who use the platform for employment. Their courage is greater than mine. But this place felt like the Twilight Zone to me.
But, hey, at least I experienced it, right?
Yeah...Positive thinking.
- PatInTheHat
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