Wake up late. Have breakfast. Turn on the TV. News on. "Oh, another mass shooting." Finish breakfast. Open iPad. Social media. Yelling. Screaming. Crying out.
A void.
Check fantasy. Put in Frank Gore or Javorius Allen? It's Allen's week to make big plays. "Ha." Change channel to football. Watch football all day. "Breaking News" scrolls across the bottom of the screen. Twenty-six dead. Twenty more injured. Church shooting. "News?"
My team won today. Fans bled green. Metaphor. My team will make the playoffs. I'll see about the Super Bowl. Turn off TV.
Open laptop. Open XCom 2. Play as a human resistance force. Defeat enemies from a different world that have infiltrated Earth's world order. Stop them from producing more enemy aliens using gene therapy on humans. Prevent a horrible end to the world. "Unfamiliar."
Turn on TV for night football. More news on shooting before. Trump tweeted. Predictable. "Let me guess: Thoughts and prayers?"
Crack open a beer. Football back on. Need Crabtree to do well. Game is exciting.
Relax.
Open iPad. Social media. Posts about shooting. Posts about shooting. Posts about shooting. Mental illness. Poor guy. White. Gun laws. People fighting. Fighting a fight. Quicksand. Powerless. "I think I'll see my parents tomorrow."
Game's about over. "But is it, really?"
Bed time.
- PatInTheHat
Monday, November 6, 2017
Monday, October 16, 2017
Me Too
It isn't enough to apologize on behalf to all of the women posting "Me Too" on social medias. It isn't enough to say it'll all be OK or that this issue will drift away in time. It isn't enough to respond with "I believe you" in response. And, that's right, it's not enough for me to write this article.
I cannot think of a better reason, unfortunately, to come out of my writing hiatus than to talk about the issue of sexual assault. Yes, it's a tough subject--and it's an even tougher subject to those it has happened to--but it's a topic that needs to be talked about and discussed if for no other reason than to create complete and total awareness to help ensure this nonsense stops happening.
First, I'm going to address the males. Guys, let's have a talk. I know it won't be an easy one, and I'm sure to peeve some of you off, but I feel like there is something important that has to be said: When women are posting "Me Too" to imply that they, too have been sexually abused in their lives, please do not comment with, "That happened to me, too." There are a lot of problems with commenting this way regardless of what precedes or follows for a couple reasons. 1. It trivializes the woman's assault in question 2. You look like an attention hoarder and that moment is just 100% not the time, and 3. This is where you might get a bit upset with me, and honestly, that's OK. I can handle it. But if you were ever sexually assaulted by a woman, I'm here to tell you that it's just absolutely not the same. Though there are exceptions i.e. Being drugged, date raped, or being too drunk to function, let's understand those happenstances are quite different than the average female to male encounter. Before you start throwing expletives at me--which, again, you could do--I'm not remotely trying to tell you that you being sexually assaulted isn't a problem. What I'm trying to tell you is that male on female sexual assault is far more prevalent. Moreover, a male is on average about twice the size of a woman making it harder for a woman to do anything about the assault. Also, I really don't think you want me to include the statistics for how often male on female sexual assault leads to the female either dying from the encounter or committing suicide later down the line. What I will say: The numbers aren't good. Therefore, male on female assault is considerably more of a problem. For some direction on how to act on this, just look at female suffrage. Did you hear from female rights activists in the '60's during the Civil Rights movement? If you did, how often? Didn't live in the '60s? OK let's talk about the last 5 years. Women believe so strongly in equality that they even put their own grievances aside--if only momentarily--in favor of black/other minority rights. Similarly, I'm asking you to put aside your own grievances for the cause of insuring this type of abuse stops happening to women. Although hard to prove, I'd bet that if this stopped happening to women--and so frequently--that it would more quickly stop happening to men. So, in other words, by aiding in the removal of male on female sexual abuse you then help your own cause to ensure it stops happening to you. Kinda like how the removal of patriarchal anecdotes, biases, stereotypes, etc.--or one of the ultimate goals of feminism--also benefits men.
Lastly, to the women: This is embarrassing. My empathy billows over the rim of the societal glass for these heinous actions against you. Similar to how white people need to keep other white people in check to thwart racism--nonexclusive, of course--it is also up to men to keep other men in check to thwart the behaviors of sexual irreverence. My promise to you is that my effort will not yield. Though I have put in effort previously, I must confess that I have not done enough. You have all made that abundantly clear. So, your grievance is also my cross to bear. I will continue to listen to your outcries, but I hope that they diminish. Not because of those that try to silence you, but because the occurrence stops happening. I sincerely hope that your struggle does not end in self-inflicted demise. Please seek the attention you need in order to keep your head above the fire and smoke. I know that it will be a hard step to take, but if it means your well-being, then it may be necessary. My heart is with you. Good luck.
- PatInTheHat
I cannot think of a better reason, unfortunately, to come out of my writing hiatus than to talk about the issue of sexual assault. Yes, it's a tough subject--and it's an even tougher subject to those it has happened to--but it's a topic that needs to be talked about and discussed if for no other reason than to create complete and total awareness to help ensure this nonsense stops happening.
First, I'm going to address the males. Guys, let's have a talk. I know it won't be an easy one, and I'm sure to peeve some of you off, but I feel like there is something important that has to be said: When women are posting "Me Too" to imply that they, too have been sexually abused in their lives, please do not comment with, "That happened to me, too." There are a lot of problems with commenting this way regardless of what precedes or follows for a couple reasons. 1. It trivializes the woman's assault in question 2. You look like an attention hoarder and that moment is just 100% not the time, and 3. This is where you might get a bit upset with me, and honestly, that's OK. I can handle it. But if you were ever sexually assaulted by a woman, I'm here to tell you that it's just absolutely not the same. Though there are exceptions i.e. Being drugged, date raped, or being too drunk to function, let's understand those happenstances are quite different than the average female to male encounter. Before you start throwing expletives at me--which, again, you could do--I'm not remotely trying to tell you that you being sexually assaulted isn't a problem. What I'm trying to tell you is that male on female sexual assault is far more prevalent. Moreover, a male is on average about twice the size of a woman making it harder for a woman to do anything about the assault. Also, I really don't think you want me to include the statistics for how often male on female sexual assault leads to the female either dying from the encounter or committing suicide later down the line. What I will say: The numbers aren't good. Therefore, male on female assault is considerably more of a problem. For some direction on how to act on this, just look at female suffrage. Did you hear from female rights activists in the '60's during the Civil Rights movement? If you did, how often? Didn't live in the '60s? OK let's talk about the last 5 years. Women believe so strongly in equality that they even put their own grievances aside--if only momentarily--in favor of black/other minority rights. Similarly, I'm asking you to put aside your own grievances for the cause of insuring this type of abuse stops happening to women. Although hard to prove, I'd bet that if this stopped happening to women--and so frequently--that it would more quickly stop happening to men. So, in other words, by aiding in the removal of male on female sexual abuse you then help your own cause to ensure it stops happening to you. Kinda like how the removal of patriarchal anecdotes, biases, stereotypes, etc.--or one of the ultimate goals of feminism--also benefits men.
Lastly, to the women: This is embarrassing. My empathy billows over the rim of the societal glass for these heinous actions against you. Similar to how white people need to keep other white people in check to thwart racism--nonexclusive, of course--it is also up to men to keep other men in check to thwart the behaviors of sexual irreverence. My promise to you is that my effort will not yield. Though I have put in effort previously, I must confess that I have not done enough. You have all made that abundantly clear. So, your grievance is also my cross to bear. I will continue to listen to your outcries, but I hope that they diminish. Not because of those that try to silence you, but because the occurrence stops happening. I sincerely hope that your struggle does not end in self-inflicted demise. Please seek the attention you need in order to keep your head above the fire and smoke. I know that it will be a hard step to take, but if it means your well-being, then it may be necessary. My heart is with you. Good luck.
- PatInTheHat
Monday, August 28, 2017
Coming Soon!
Ever since I was 16/17 years old, I had the idea of creating a YouTube channel. Even 8 or 9 years ago, people were already figuring out cool and creative ways to either express themselves or express their art. Although I'm not 100% sure exactly what I'm going to do yet, I'm definitely going to make it happen!
YouTube has changed a lot in the last 8/9 years, so I'm definitely not using the platform for the sake of monetary gain, but rather a means of communication. I have been doing the "blog thing" for around 3 years now, and as much as I like to write, I enjoy even more to engage other people and other perspectives--something I don't feel like is as easy to do on this platform. Having only a brief outline of ideas, my channel will likely have multiple components. In other words, the channel will not just be a "gaming" channel or a "talking head" channel, but a smorgasbord. And despite how ruthless the comment section of YT vids can be, I think it's important for me to enter an open community that dialogues. I like listening to new ideas and new perspectives, and even though YouTube can be brutal in that regard, I think it can be equally as useful.
If any of you out there are interested in the idea of this channel being created, I'm definitely up for suggestions! The timeline for the beginning of this channel's creation is currently unknown, so "soon" is as good as I'm going to be able to do right now, but I'm definitely looking to start before the end of the 2017 calendar year. Most YouTubers have a swath of videos on their channel, so I might create a cache of videos before I even publish anything to the channel so that way when I'm ready you'll know it, because you might see 4 or 5 other videos on my channel that you can watch right away. I'm also not sure what my YouTube handle will be yet. I could stick with "PatInTheHat," but I'm not set on it.
To those that are interested, I sincerely hope I don't disappoint! I'll do my best. And to those that might just stumble on it...well... I'm sorry. You're stuck with me forever. =)
- PatInTheHat
YouTube has changed a lot in the last 8/9 years, so I'm definitely not using the platform for the sake of monetary gain, but rather a means of communication. I have been doing the "blog thing" for around 3 years now, and as much as I like to write, I enjoy even more to engage other people and other perspectives--something I don't feel like is as easy to do on this platform. Having only a brief outline of ideas, my channel will likely have multiple components. In other words, the channel will not just be a "gaming" channel or a "talking head" channel, but a smorgasbord. And despite how ruthless the comment section of YT vids can be, I think it's important for me to enter an open community that dialogues. I like listening to new ideas and new perspectives, and even though YouTube can be brutal in that regard, I think it can be equally as useful.
If any of you out there are interested in the idea of this channel being created, I'm definitely up for suggestions! The timeline for the beginning of this channel's creation is currently unknown, so "soon" is as good as I'm going to be able to do right now, but I'm definitely looking to start before the end of the 2017 calendar year. Most YouTubers have a swath of videos on their channel, so I might create a cache of videos before I even publish anything to the channel so that way when I'm ready you'll know it, because you might see 4 or 5 other videos on my channel that you can watch right away. I'm also not sure what my YouTube handle will be yet. I could stick with "PatInTheHat," but I'm not set on it.
To those that are interested, I sincerely hope I don't disappoint! I'll do my best. And to those that might just stumble on it...well... I'm sorry. You're stuck with me forever. =)
- PatInTheHat
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
No More
I've stayed (relatively) silent since the rally that had happened in Charlottesville, Virginia this past weekend.
When tragic events happen, my process is as follows: I watch videos, if any, of the tragic events in question; then, I check out what people are doing and saying on social media and other outlets; and finally, I assess. During this process of assessing, I genuinely do my best to wear different shoes.
This time it's a lot different.
Let's briefly go back in time to the incident that occurred in Ferguson, Missouri. The altercation that occurred between Michael Brown, a civilian, and a cop, officer Wilson. Wilson was responding to a 911 call regarding a theft. The cop came to the scene, or the whereabouts thereof, and scanned the area until he saw a man matching the description of the assailant--Michael Brown. The altercation between the officer and Michael Brown occurred outside and then inside the confines of the police vehicle as Michael Brown reached into the cop car to address the officer. The officer used multiple verbal warnings, yet Michael Brown persisted. In a state of fear and/or panic, officer Wilson fired a barrage of bullets at Michael Brown killing him. Those are the facts as designated by the court documents. And even after looking at shaky video evidence and hearing from multiple different perspectives--which include reading the court transcripts--there is an overabundance of grey-area. Does it suck that there's a lot of grey? Yes. Is it arguable to say that Michael Brown acted incorrectly whether he was white, black, brown, etc? Yes. Is it arguable to say that the officer over-used his weapon? Yes. But I think what makes the entire situation the grayest--aside from the video, testimonies, protests, editorials, outside opinions, etc--is simply the heat of the moment. Officer Wilson, despite being acquitted of all charges, is the most vilified of the two people in the altercation. Michael Brown, who, according to testimony, was intoxicated with some kind of drug and stole some objects from the local convenience store. Let's stop right there. Michael Brown starts off in the wrong. Knowing that, let's now put ourselves in the shoes of any cop who is about to approach a thief. Could the thief have a weapon and be dangerous? Yes. Could the thief try to run away from the scene upon officer arrival? Yes. What should the officer do then? Call back up right away? Chase the assailant? Should he use his gun? Michael Brown's original offence is certainly not payable on death, etc. Ok... The point of all of this is to provide context to more recent events.
Fast forward to when Philando Castile was shot and killed inside of his own car. We have video evidence of the altercation from start to finish. We have the officer's dash cam as well as the video footage from Philando Castile's girlfriend/wife with their child in the back seat of the car. Philando let the officer know, upon a traffic stop, that he was carrying a weapon legally. The officer shot and killed Philando as he reached for his paperwork i.e. owner's card, insurance card, etc. No grey area here. The officer was wrong. However, the officer was still acquitted. Did the officer also fear for his life and use information to incorrectly identify a suspected robber? Yes. But how often do we hear that story? The guy was a black guy! They all look the same! Oops!
Please try Google searching "white guy shot by police for being incorrectly identified," and you'll see Google give this face in return: O.o. The articles you'll find are of cops incorrectly shooting black citizens. Defenders will say: "But that's a problem with the media!" "This is fake news!" Or how about it's an issue with police culture? Shoot first and ask questions later, right? I digress...
Fast forward to this past Friday in Charlottesville, Virginia. Clear video evidence of Nazis and white supremacists flooding the streets. Clear video evidence of Nazi and Confederate flags lining city blocks. Where's the grey area?! If history serves me correctly: We, the United States of America, went to war with and killed these people. We went to war with the Confederacy after they had attacked Fort Sumter and after 4 long, arduous years we beat them. Killed or wounded hundreds of thousands of them to the point of their surrender. Subsequently, we turned our egos aside, and we allowed them to stay here and be a part of our country with the caveat that they could no longer hold slaves. The Union finally fought for the "Freedom" written in our constitution. Less than 80 years after the end of the Civil War, we fought against the Nazi regime. We fought against the dehumanization of millions of people. We fought, again, against the idea that certain people should be taken advantage of just because of their religion, the color of their skin, the color of their hair, etc. And we won that fight, too! So how are our domestic police--our domestic authorities--not taking down the very same people we took down in Germany? In Belgium? The beaches of Normandy? Wasn't this train of thought, let alone the actions that tend to follow, supposed to be eradicated? And forget whether they were "allowed!" Why didn't they take more actions into their own hands? What happened to shoot first, ask questions later? Especially when the answer would have been, "Well, they were Nazis." I would personally expect their exoneration! They would have fought against domestic terrorism! "There were so many of them! That would have been a strategical nightmare!" Oh, really? I didn't see our law enforcement have that issue in the 1960's against African-Americans when all they were doing was fighting for equality...
One of the overarching problems our society has is that every time an officer kills any person of color that garners national attention, whether right, wrong, or indifferent, the country shifts just a little. Some people wonder whether the police should be able to use force. Some people believe that the person who was killed deserved it. And some people begin to conspire an uprising. Wiser minds understand that the election-into-office of President Trump has not helped silence voices that should not be heard, as well. In interviews leading up to Trump's election to presidency, he made his indifference clear when he did not immediately and sternly denounce David Duke after being asked if he would accept the former KKK leader's endorsement. And that kind of clear indifference can be empowering. Many white supremacists watched Trump closely following the rally in Charlottesville, and many wrote out messages on social media platforms of how Trump didn't answer questions under definite terms. Whether Trump means to do this or not is irrelevant. The fact is the indifference, or lack of forthright opposition towards the neo-nazi and white supremacist demonstrators sends positive messages to those hateful groups.
To go even further back for a moment: What if the Trayvon Martin incident wasn't just the lynch-pin for democratic/liberal uprising, but also the lynch-pin for a far-right/alt-right uprising? The night watchman was acquitted there--due to extremely bogus Stand Your Ground laws--and as previously stated, I understand that the Michael Brown case garners a lot of grey areas, but since officer Wilson's acquittal we've been seeing more and more of the same under much tighter black and white situations. From the liberal point of view, these acquittals tell us that there's a clear issue with the justice system. Perhaps far worse than we previously suspected. But to the Alt-Right movement, they see something else. They see similar minds. They see that the white man can get away with anything if he's scared enough. And ideas start to form like: Oh, we (the white elite) can shoot black people and have little to no consequences? We (the white authoritative elite) can plant drugs for years and years and years specifically to incarcerate people of color and not get caught until body cams? Our justice system has made this neo-nazi/white supremacist uprising accessible and tolerable! There are European countries, i.e. Germany, Portugal, etc. where Nazism is completely illegal, let alone intolerable. Why hasn't our country followed suit? A rooting political interest? Votes? This is the depth of our sinking ship?
Ultimately, the problem is much bigger than a rally in Charlottesville. The problem is our entire country's justice system. And if that doesn't get fixed--through new grassroots movements and politicians, through more calls to our political constituents, through more petitions that call to injustice--then expect to see more Charlottesville incidents coming soon. We have no choice but to come together as a country to ensure that the Alt-Right/Neo-Nazi/Confederate ideals are doused before that fire spreads any further. If we don't band together sooner rather than later, the history of the Civil War can and will repeat itself.
- PatInTheHat
When tragic events happen, my process is as follows: I watch videos, if any, of the tragic events in question; then, I check out what people are doing and saying on social media and other outlets; and finally, I assess. During this process of assessing, I genuinely do my best to wear different shoes.
This time it's a lot different.
Let's briefly go back in time to the incident that occurred in Ferguson, Missouri. The altercation that occurred between Michael Brown, a civilian, and a cop, officer Wilson. Wilson was responding to a 911 call regarding a theft. The cop came to the scene, or the whereabouts thereof, and scanned the area until he saw a man matching the description of the assailant--Michael Brown. The altercation between the officer and Michael Brown occurred outside and then inside the confines of the police vehicle as Michael Brown reached into the cop car to address the officer. The officer used multiple verbal warnings, yet Michael Brown persisted. In a state of fear and/or panic, officer Wilson fired a barrage of bullets at Michael Brown killing him. Those are the facts as designated by the court documents. And even after looking at shaky video evidence and hearing from multiple different perspectives--which include reading the court transcripts--there is an overabundance of grey-area. Does it suck that there's a lot of grey? Yes. Is it arguable to say that Michael Brown acted incorrectly whether he was white, black, brown, etc? Yes. Is it arguable to say that the officer over-used his weapon? Yes. But I think what makes the entire situation the grayest--aside from the video, testimonies, protests, editorials, outside opinions, etc--is simply the heat of the moment. Officer Wilson, despite being acquitted of all charges, is the most vilified of the two people in the altercation. Michael Brown, who, according to testimony, was intoxicated with some kind of drug and stole some objects from the local convenience store. Let's stop right there. Michael Brown starts off in the wrong. Knowing that, let's now put ourselves in the shoes of any cop who is about to approach a thief. Could the thief have a weapon and be dangerous? Yes. Could the thief try to run away from the scene upon officer arrival? Yes. What should the officer do then? Call back up right away? Chase the assailant? Should he use his gun? Michael Brown's original offence is certainly not payable on death, etc. Ok... The point of all of this is to provide context to more recent events.
Fast forward to when Philando Castile was shot and killed inside of his own car. We have video evidence of the altercation from start to finish. We have the officer's dash cam as well as the video footage from Philando Castile's girlfriend/wife with their child in the back seat of the car. Philando let the officer know, upon a traffic stop, that he was carrying a weapon legally. The officer shot and killed Philando as he reached for his paperwork i.e. owner's card, insurance card, etc. No grey area here. The officer was wrong. However, the officer was still acquitted. Did the officer also fear for his life and use information to incorrectly identify a suspected robber? Yes. But how often do we hear that story? The guy was a black guy! They all look the same! Oops!
Please try Google searching "white guy shot by police for being incorrectly identified," and you'll see Google give this face in return: O.o. The articles you'll find are of cops incorrectly shooting black citizens. Defenders will say: "But that's a problem with the media!" "This is fake news!" Or how about it's an issue with police culture? Shoot first and ask questions later, right? I digress...
Fast forward to this past Friday in Charlottesville, Virginia. Clear video evidence of Nazis and white supremacists flooding the streets. Clear video evidence of Nazi and Confederate flags lining city blocks. Where's the grey area?! If history serves me correctly: We, the United States of America, went to war with and killed these people. We went to war with the Confederacy after they had attacked Fort Sumter and after 4 long, arduous years we beat them. Killed or wounded hundreds of thousands of them to the point of their surrender. Subsequently, we turned our egos aside, and we allowed them to stay here and be a part of our country with the caveat that they could no longer hold slaves. The Union finally fought for the "Freedom" written in our constitution. Less than 80 years after the end of the Civil War, we fought against the Nazi regime. We fought against the dehumanization of millions of people. We fought, again, against the idea that certain people should be taken advantage of just because of their religion, the color of their skin, the color of their hair, etc. And we won that fight, too! So how are our domestic police--our domestic authorities--not taking down the very same people we took down in Germany? In Belgium? The beaches of Normandy? Wasn't this train of thought, let alone the actions that tend to follow, supposed to be eradicated? And forget whether they were "allowed!" Why didn't they take more actions into their own hands? What happened to shoot first, ask questions later? Especially when the answer would have been, "Well, they were Nazis." I would personally expect their exoneration! They would have fought against domestic terrorism! "There were so many of them! That would have been a strategical nightmare!" Oh, really? I didn't see our law enforcement have that issue in the 1960's against African-Americans when all they were doing was fighting for equality...
One of the overarching problems our society has is that every time an officer kills any person of color that garners national attention, whether right, wrong, or indifferent, the country shifts just a little. Some people wonder whether the police should be able to use force. Some people believe that the person who was killed deserved it. And some people begin to conspire an uprising. Wiser minds understand that the election-into-office of President Trump has not helped silence voices that should not be heard, as well. In interviews leading up to Trump's election to presidency, he made his indifference clear when he did not immediately and sternly denounce David Duke after being asked if he would accept the former KKK leader's endorsement. And that kind of clear indifference can be empowering. Many white supremacists watched Trump closely following the rally in Charlottesville, and many wrote out messages on social media platforms of how Trump didn't answer questions under definite terms. Whether Trump means to do this or not is irrelevant. The fact is the indifference, or lack of forthright opposition towards the neo-nazi and white supremacist demonstrators sends positive messages to those hateful groups.
To go even further back for a moment: What if the Trayvon Martin incident wasn't just the lynch-pin for democratic/liberal uprising, but also the lynch-pin for a far-right/alt-right uprising? The night watchman was acquitted there--due to extremely bogus Stand Your Ground laws--and as previously stated, I understand that the Michael Brown case garners a lot of grey areas, but since officer Wilson's acquittal we've been seeing more and more of the same under much tighter black and white situations. From the liberal point of view, these acquittals tell us that there's a clear issue with the justice system. Perhaps far worse than we previously suspected. But to the Alt-Right movement, they see something else. They see similar minds. They see that the white man can get away with anything if he's scared enough. And ideas start to form like: Oh, we (the white elite) can shoot black people and have little to no consequences? We (the white authoritative elite) can plant drugs for years and years and years specifically to incarcerate people of color and not get caught until body cams? Our justice system has made this neo-nazi/white supremacist uprising accessible and tolerable! There are European countries, i.e. Germany, Portugal, etc. where Nazism is completely illegal, let alone intolerable. Why hasn't our country followed suit? A rooting political interest? Votes? This is the depth of our sinking ship?
Ultimately, the problem is much bigger than a rally in Charlottesville. The problem is our entire country's justice system. And if that doesn't get fixed--through new grassroots movements and politicians, through more calls to our political constituents, through more petitions that call to injustice--then expect to see more Charlottesville incidents coming soon. We have no choice but to come together as a country to ensure that the Alt-Right/Neo-Nazi/Confederate ideals are doused before that fire spreads any further. If we don't band together sooner rather than later, the history of the Civil War can and will repeat itself.
- PatInTheHat
Monday, May 15, 2017
King Trumpet
Demonstrative
Old man
Needs
Another coddling after
Losing another
Damn marble
Jostling the media to
Open warfare on
Honest critics who
Never asked for his approval
Terrifying the masses through
Real-time tweets
Under the guile of
Misguided and misunderstood
Platitudinal toiletries
- PatInTheHat
Never asked for his approval
Terrifying the masses through
Real-time tweets
Under the guile of
Misguided and misunderstood
Platitudinal toiletries
- PatInTheHat
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
13 Reasons (Editorial)
"13 Reasons Why" is a Netflix original series that follows the life-after-death of high school junior Hannah Baker whom creates 13 separate audio recordings on 7 cassette tapes that she leaves behind before committing suicide. The series, based on the same-titled book written by Jay Asher, touches on a lot of super heavy points ranging from the trials and tribulations of being a teenager in high school all the way to the aforementioned teen suicide with a lot of heavy points in between. This article will have a lot of spoilers, so if you have not yet seen the show but want to, then I'd urge you not to read after this paragraph. Try and get through the pettiness of the first couple episodes, and watch the entire series. I think it's an important show to watch/book to read for all ages due to one overarching theme of mental health that the show does its best to drive home. The article will also touch on many of the other important themes, as well as address characters and plot points that sufficed or not to tie the show together.
Where to begin?
Like Clay Jensen, the lead male character played by Dylan Minnette, who slowly, methodically, and painfully listened to all 7 tapes over the "slow" period of about a week, I watched the show over the course of about the same time frame. And then it took me another week to write all of this. The first episode, or "Tape 1, side A," left me not so curious about much. Most of the major characters were introduced one way or another, and I had already learned, albeit accidentally through FB posts/convos that at least one rape takes place during the show, and after the first episode I correctly suspected who the rapist was. But I'll get to that in another tape...
Hannah Baker is portrayed as an equal parts shy and equal parts confident high school sophomore that maintains purity in every sense. As the story is written, the audience is meant to take what Hannah says in her tapes as truth; however, right from the get-go she incorrectly blames Justin, her new love interest, for spreading a racy picture of her to a bunch of students through text. What she doesn't know is that the person who pressed the send button on Justin's phone, where the pictures were archived, ended up being the true antagonist of the show and the worst piece of shit in the world. As a brief aside: For me, this only makes Justin a little less of a shit. I hated his character at the beginning, and, although he had his moments where we thought he might turn into a decent human being, I hated him at the end, too.
Through the first 4 episodes/2 tapes I went from liking and understanding Hannah from a "Well, shit, looks like I'm experiencing high school as fast as it is experiencing me," kind of way to then disliking her entire character because of her reasons for putting certain people on the tape. No one should be able to watch this series or read Asher's book without meticulously keeping the perspective that this girl has already committed suicide during the time that Clay is listening to the tapes. After all, she introduces a few tapes with that just in case anyone forgot, for one, and for another, it's hard to watch without thinking "Really? She's citing these reasons for her suicide while, in the process, mentally and emotionally ruining lives, too?!" For me, it was a challenge to listen to Hannah's tapes while keeping in perspective that this person can't be helped. These tapes are not a cry for help, because she's already dead. These tapes are revenge tapes. And as Asher himself proclaims in an interview with Barnes & Nobel--a series the book-store franchise calls "Meet the Writer" that he did in 2009: Hannah is not exonerated. (Citation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w6N9qaZ5cc)
After the first 4 episodes, the show really begins to take form. The character development and writing is superb, and upon doing some of my own research, I noticed that there were 6 different directors and 10 different main writers during the course of the show's production. The director/writer pairings for episodes 5 through 12 were perfect. And since I know now that the writer of the first 2 episodes is the same writer as the 13th episode, I'm thinking that the problem is the writer for those episodes. Alex Standall, played by Miles Heizer, is overall my favorite character, while my least favorite character goes to, you guessed it, Courtney Crimsen--which has nothing to do with the actress. Michele Ang played the part well, the character was just the worst kind of on-the-fence-between-right-and-wrong-self-centered character I've seen since Cardinal Wolsey from the King Henry VIII based historical series "The Tudors." Clay Jensen didn't deserve to be on the tapes at all, not even to tell him he shouldn't be there, which is basically the only reason he's there. Clay is on Tape 6, Side A--or Episode 11--and after listening to the majority of his tape, he blames himself to the point of tears, because he doesn't stay in the room she tells him to leave after a make-out session. 'Cause, ya know, that's exactly how I would reward the person I love: Put them on a tape detailing the reasons for my pre-meditated suicide, only to tell them that they shouldn't have left the room I told them adamantly and aggressively to leave. Perfect. Clay is also just a teenager trying to figure life out. Hannah is likely his first love interest, and all he's trying to do is make sure that she doesn't hate him after making out with him--a rather common insecure musing of a teenager.
Mental health, or the lack thereof, is the main overarching theme of the series. Mental illness, defined by the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy as: Real disturbances of thought, experiences, and emotion serious enough to cause functional impairment in people, making it more difficult for them to sustain interpersonal relationships and carry on their jobs that sometimes lead to self-destructive behavior and even suicide (citation: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/mental-illness/), is an issue with a lot of grey areas. Psychologists and psychiatrists respectively have a lot of trouble correctly diagnosing whether someone has mental illness A or mental illness B, so to speak. Some mental illnesses are more easily diagnosed than others, etc. As stated in the most recent citation: "There is ongoing debate concerning the way that mental illnesses should be classified. There are two aspects to this: which conditions get classified as mental illnesses rather than normal conditions, and, among those conditions we agree are mental illnesses, how they are grouped together into different kinds." Despite the debate, there are a couple statistics that hold true. According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) 1 in every 4 people will have a mental illness at some point in their lives while 1 in 25 have a mental illness already. Those are really startling numbers.
More startling to me than the 4%-of-all-people figure for mental illness--roughly 280,000,000 people--is how people converse about the topic of mental illness as though all or most aspects of mental illness--i.e. how one becomes mentally ill--are black and white issues. "13 Reasons Why" has a wide range of characters that deal with super heavy emotional moments in their lives. It should be just as important to discuss the mental anguish dealt to Hannah from her friends as it is to discuss the mental and emotional deluge she left on her tapes for certain people to hear. This is why Hannah is not exonerated. This is why I can't blame someone for walking away from this series and strongly disliking Hannah's character. Having remorse towards her character for what happened to her is completely acceptable and justified. Regardless of how anyone feels towards the other 6 and a half tapes not related to Bryce Walker raping her, the fact of the matter is she felt feelings! She felt lost. She felt worthless. And although tragic and upsetting, the show direction tries to make sense as to why someone at that age might want to end their life at that point. At least through the eyes of the camera lens, nothing seemed to go right in Hannah's life as a teenager. Couple that with simply being a teenager with more homework and more responsibilities, new hormonal imbalances, etc. and her world might have seemed like it was exploding. All of that said, none of it justifies her suicide and/or ruining the lives of 12 other people (Bryce makes 13, but he would deserve it, especially if no legal action is ever taken to incarcerate him. I think we could all make a fairly strong case for Justin, too, but I digress...) Case in point: Alex Standall attempts to kill himself at the end of the series, because he feels that Hannah Baker killed herself due to a teenage mistake he made as a teenager that he subsequently apologized for. I'm not saying what Alex did was right-- the whole "best ass in the school" list, it wasn't--but especially as a teenager trying to figure life out--a time period of adolescence where we're ALL trying to figure life out while sometimes being complete assholes--is not P.O.D. Unsure of whether the show has a second season that expands on Jay Asher's original story, the worst can be assumed about Justin and Tyler as well. Both characters acquire guns before the end of the final episode. Do they kill themselves? Or attempt to? If you're so strongly on the side of Hannah, do you even feel bad if they do? If mental illness is something we should be taking so seriously--as opposed to just the mental illness of Hannah Baker--then we should chastise most of the characters in this show for mutual causation of mental illness. All of them influenced each other negatively in some aspect one way or another with the Grand PooBah of all assholes being Bryce.
Personal Anecdote:
When I was in high school, I knew a guy whom I ran track and cross country with. He was a year younger than me. A really nice kid. I went to an all boys prep school in a wealthier area of the city (Philadelphia), and, other than my closer friends, he had one of lower pointed of noses. He was someone that, had he not been a year younger than me and more than an arms-length outside of my friend-sphere, I could see being good friends with. Unfortunately, that never happened. About a year or two after I graduated, it was tragically learned that he had committed suicide. I have no idea why he committed suicide. I have no idea what made him feel so low as to commit suicide, and to this day I still don't. Whether I'm reading a book or watching a show that uses suicide as a trope , I'm reminded of him. As an empath, I remember immediately feeling, other than sad and upset at his passing, "What could I have done?" I didn't know him all that well. I didn't try all that hard to know him well, either. But I definitely wondered if there was something I could have done. If there's one thing to learn from "13 Reasons Why," it's not to take people for granted and assume that some violent quip is sustainable to them just because a similar quip might be sustainable to you or I.
That's one way to look at it.
The other way to look at it is "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." When I was in grade school, I was mercilessly bullied from 1st to 8th grade. Many of my friends understand this about me, because a big part of who I am is not being defined by what other people think of me. I was bullied, because I didn't conform. I didn't play the games they wanted me to play. I was not their puppet. Instead of growing and strengthening my character, I could have felt differently--I could have turned on myself. Sure, there were days when I felt depressed, but nothing made me feel depressed enough to not keep fighting.
Lastly, and as this relates to Hannah, it's easier for us as the audience to see her get raped in the last episode and then think, "Well, I see why she killed herself now," than it is think "She could have been saved" or "She shouldn't have taken her life." But let's remember that it was before she got raped, before the worst thing to happen in her life that she started creating these metaphysical revenge tapes. Moreover, she plays this game-that-I-know-I'm-playing-but-you-don't with Mr. Porter in his office at school subsequently. I mean, yeah, could have Mr. Porter been a better guidance counselor? Absolutely. But the show portrays Hannah as playing a game with Mr. Porter, like: "After I had left the room, I had waited to see if you'd come running for me. You didn't. Time for me to die." Seriously? And not only "Time to die," but "Time to get everyone to listen to these tapes so they can suffer ten times harder than I ever did, muahahahaha." In that regard: Fuck you, Hannah. Fuck you, Hannah, glad you died? No. But fuck you for taking zero responsibility. Sorry that you suffered through some really tough shit, and didn't have the mental or emotional strength to persevere. What you don't know, and what Mr. Porter should have gotten across to you, is that whatever transgressions you faced from others, whatever tough things that happened, you would have come out of it 10 times stronger as a human being had you not taken your own life. You would have triumphed over the dead snake skin you shed. Thus, the reason Jay Asher wrote this story. He wrote a multitude of flawed characters, many of whom had redemptive qualities. When Jay was in high school, he knew a female student that attempted suicide (please refer back to the YouTube citation where he talks about this for verification). He took that experience and wrote this story to show anyone with suicidal thoughts a different perspective. What if the people that I perceived thought so little of me actually thought highly of me? What if I wrongly perceived an action someone took against something that I did i.e. Zach and the note written by Hannah that Hannah thinks he crumples and throws to the ground but actually keeps? Perhaps these seem like little things on their own, but it was the accumulation of many little moments--and a devastatingly big moment--that can be assumed for the reasons Hannah took her life.
Overall, "13 Reasons Why" is a frustratingly sad, thought provoking narrative about the darker sides of teenage life. The drama. The cliques. The blind-eyed faculty of the teenagers' school and parents. But as frustrating as the story is, it's worth seeing. It's worth discussing, not arguing, because, although the show and the characters are fictional, it deserves to be understood. I repeat: The show/book deserves to be understood. Not Hannah. Not Courtney. Not Justin. Not Alex. Not any one person in particular. It deserves to be understood so that we raise the next generation of kids to understand the power behind each word they speak and each action they take. Teenagers will make mistakes. Walking on egg-shells isn't the be-all end-all solution either, because of the aforementioned personal growth that occurs during adolescence, but that doesn't mean we can't forewarn them on their impact on other lives. The story deserves to be understood.
The story!
-PatInTheHat
Where to begin?
Like Clay Jensen, the lead male character played by Dylan Minnette, who slowly, methodically, and painfully listened to all 7 tapes over the "slow" period of about a week, I watched the show over the course of about the same time frame. And then it took me another week to write all of this. The first episode, or "Tape 1, side A," left me not so curious about much. Most of the major characters were introduced one way or another, and I had already learned, albeit accidentally through FB posts/convos that at least one rape takes place during the show, and after the first episode I correctly suspected who the rapist was. But I'll get to that in another tape...
Hannah Baker is portrayed as an equal parts shy and equal parts confident high school sophomore that maintains purity in every sense. As the story is written, the audience is meant to take what Hannah says in her tapes as truth; however, right from the get-go she incorrectly blames Justin, her new love interest, for spreading a racy picture of her to a bunch of students through text. What she doesn't know is that the person who pressed the send button on Justin's phone, where the pictures were archived, ended up being the true antagonist of the show and the worst piece of shit in the world. As a brief aside: For me, this only makes Justin a little less of a shit. I hated his character at the beginning, and, although he had his moments where we thought he might turn into a decent human being, I hated him at the end, too.
Through the first 4 episodes/2 tapes I went from liking and understanding Hannah from a "Well, shit, looks like I'm experiencing high school as fast as it is experiencing me," kind of way to then disliking her entire character because of her reasons for putting certain people on the tape. No one should be able to watch this series or read Asher's book without meticulously keeping the perspective that this girl has already committed suicide during the time that Clay is listening to the tapes. After all, she introduces a few tapes with that just in case anyone forgot, for one, and for another, it's hard to watch without thinking "Really? She's citing these reasons for her suicide while, in the process, mentally and emotionally ruining lives, too?!" For me, it was a challenge to listen to Hannah's tapes while keeping in perspective that this person can't be helped. These tapes are not a cry for help, because she's already dead. These tapes are revenge tapes. And as Asher himself proclaims in an interview with Barnes & Nobel--a series the book-store franchise calls "Meet the Writer" that he did in 2009: Hannah is not exonerated. (Citation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w6N9qaZ5cc)
After the first 4 episodes, the show really begins to take form. The character development and writing is superb, and upon doing some of my own research, I noticed that there were 6 different directors and 10 different main writers during the course of the show's production. The director/writer pairings for episodes 5 through 12 were perfect. And since I know now that the writer of the first 2 episodes is the same writer as the 13th episode, I'm thinking that the problem is the writer for those episodes. Alex Standall, played by Miles Heizer, is overall my favorite character, while my least favorite character goes to, you guessed it, Courtney Crimsen--which has nothing to do with the actress. Michele Ang played the part well, the character was just the worst kind of on-the-fence-between-right-and-wrong-self-centered character I've seen since Cardinal Wolsey from the King Henry VIII based historical series "The Tudors." Clay Jensen didn't deserve to be on the tapes at all, not even to tell him he shouldn't be there, which is basically the only reason he's there. Clay is on Tape 6, Side A--or Episode 11--and after listening to the majority of his tape, he blames himself to the point of tears, because he doesn't stay in the room she tells him to leave after a make-out session. 'Cause, ya know, that's exactly how I would reward the person I love: Put them on a tape detailing the reasons for my pre-meditated suicide, only to tell them that they shouldn't have left the room I told them adamantly and aggressively to leave. Perfect. Clay is also just a teenager trying to figure life out. Hannah is likely his first love interest, and all he's trying to do is make sure that she doesn't hate him after making out with him--a rather common insecure musing of a teenager.
Mental health, or the lack thereof, is the main overarching theme of the series. Mental illness, defined by the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy as: Real disturbances of thought, experiences, and emotion serious enough to cause functional impairment in people, making it more difficult for them to sustain interpersonal relationships and carry on their jobs that sometimes lead to self-destructive behavior and even suicide (citation: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/mental-illness/), is an issue with a lot of grey areas. Psychologists and psychiatrists respectively have a lot of trouble correctly diagnosing whether someone has mental illness A or mental illness B, so to speak. Some mental illnesses are more easily diagnosed than others, etc. As stated in the most recent citation: "There is ongoing debate concerning the way that mental illnesses should be classified. There are two aspects to this: which conditions get classified as mental illnesses rather than normal conditions, and, among those conditions we agree are mental illnesses, how they are grouped together into different kinds." Despite the debate, there are a couple statistics that hold true. According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) 1 in every 4 people will have a mental illness at some point in their lives while 1 in 25 have a mental illness already. Those are really startling numbers.
More startling to me than the 4%-of-all-people figure for mental illness--roughly 280,000,000 people--is how people converse about the topic of mental illness as though all or most aspects of mental illness--i.e. how one becomes mentally ill--are black and white issues. "13 Reasons Why" has a wide range of characters that deal with super heavy emotional moments in their lives. It should be just as important to discuss the mental anguish dealt to Hannah from her friends as it is to discuss the mental and emotional deluge she left on her tapes for certain people to hear. This is why Hannah is not exonerated. This is why I can't blame someone for walking away from this series and strongly disliking Hannah's character. Having remorse towards her character for what happened to her is completely acceptable and justified. Regardless of how anyone feels towards the other 6 and a half tapes not related to Bryce Walker raping her, the fact of the matter is she felt feelings! She felt lost. She felt worthless. And although tragic and upsetting, the show direction tries to make sense as to why someone at that age might want to end their life at that point. At least through the eyes of the camera lens, nothing seemed to go right in Hannah's life as a teenager. Couple that with simply being a teenager with more homework and more responsibilities, new hormonal imbalances, etc. and her world might have seemed like it was exploding. All of that said, none of it justifies her suicide and/or ruining the lives of 12 other people (Bryce makes 13, but he would deserve it, especially if no legal action is ever taken to incarcerate him. I think we could all make a fairly strong case for Justin, too, but I digress...) Case in point: Alex Standall attempts to kill himself at the end of the series, because he feels that Hannah Baker killed herself due to a teenage mistake he made as a teenager that he subsequently apologized for. I'm not saying what Alex did was right-- the whole "best ass in the school" list, it wasn't--but especially as a teenager trying to figure life out--a time period of adolescence where we're ALL trying to figure life out while sometimes being complete assholes--is not P.O.D. Unsure of whether the show has a second season that expands on Jay Asher's original story, the worst can be assumed about Justin and Tyler as well. Both characters acquire guns before the end of the final episode. Do they kill themselves? Or attempt to? If you're so strongly on the side of Hannah, do you even feel bad if they do? If mental illness is something we should be taking so seriously--as opposed to just the mental illness of Hannah Baker--then we should chastise most of the characters in this show for mutual causation of mental illness. All of them influenced each other negatively in some aspect one way or another with the Grand PooBah of all assholes being Bryce.
Personal Anecdote:
When I was in high school, I knew a guy whom I ran track and cross country with. He was a year younger than me. A really nice kid. I went to an all boys prep school in a wealthier area of the city (Philadelphia), and, other than my closer friends, he had one of lower pointed of noses. He was someone that, had he not been a year younger than me and more than an arms-length outside of my friend-sphere, I could see being good friends with. Unfortunately, that never happened. About a year or two after I graduated, it was tragically learned that he had committed suicide. I have no idea why he committed suicide. I have no idea what made him feel so low as to commit suicide, and to this day I still don't. Whether I'm reading a book or watching a show that uses suicide as a trope , I'm reminded of him. As an empath, I remember immediately feeling, other than sad and upset at his passing, "What could I have done?" I didn't know him all that well. I didn't try all that hard to know him well, either. But I definitely wondered if there was something I could have done. If there's one thing to learn from "13 Reasons Why," it's not to take people for granted and assume that some violent quip is sustainable to them just because a similar quip might be sustainable to you or I.
That's one way to look at it.
The other way to look at it is "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." When I was in grade school, I was mercilessly bullied from 1st to 8th grade. Many of my friends understand this about me, because a big part of who I am is not being defined by what other people think of me. I was bullied, because I didn't conform. I didn't play the games they wanted me to play. I was not their puppet. Instead of growing and strengthening my character, I could have felt differently--I could have turned on myself. Sure, there were days when I felt depressed, but nothing made me feel depressed enough to not keep fighting.
Lastly, and as this relates to Hannah, it's easier for us as the audience to see her get raped in the last episode and then think, "Well, I see why she killed herself now," than it is think "She could have been saved" or "She shouldn't have taken her life." But let's remember that it was before she got raped, before the worst thing to happen in her life that she started creating these metaphysical revenge tapes. Moreover, she plays this game-that-I-know-I'm-playing-but-you-don't with Mr. Porter in his office at school subsequently. I mean, yeah, could have Mr. Porter been a better guidance counselor? Absolutely. But the show portrays Hannah as playing a game with Mr. Porter, like: "After I had left the room, I had waited to see if you'd come running for me. You didn't. Time for me to die." Seriously? And not only "Time to die," but "Time to get everyone to listen to these tapes so they can suffer ten times harder than I ever did, muahahahaha." In that regard: Fuck you, Hannah. Fuck you, Hannah, glad you died? No. But fuck you for taking zero responsibility. Sorry that you suffered through some really tough shit, and didn't have the mental or emotional strength to persevere. What you don't know, and what Mr. Porter should have gotten across to you, is that whatever transgressions you faced from others, whatever tough things that happened, you would have come out of it 10 times stronger as a human being had you not taken your own life. You would have triumphed over the dead snake skin you shed. Thus, the reason Jay Asher wrote this story. He wrote a multitude of flawed characters, many of whom had redemptive qualities. When Jay was in high school, he knew a female student that attempted suicide (please refer back to the YouTube citation where he talks about this for verification). He took that experience and wrote this story to show anyone with suicidal thoughts a different perspective. What if the people that I perceived thought so little of me actually thought highly of me? What if I wrongly perceived an action someone took against something that I did i.e. Zach and the note written by Hannah that Hannah thinks he crumples and throws to the ground but actually keeps? Perhaps these seem like little things on their own, but it was the accumulation of many little moments--and a devastatingly big moment--that can be assumed for the reasons Hannah took her life.
Overall, "13 Reasons Why" is a frustratingly sad, thought provoking narrative about the darker sides of teenage life. The drama. The cliques. The blind-eyed faculty of the teenagers' school and parents. But as frustrating as the story is, it's worth seeing. It's worth discussing, not arguing, because, although the show and the characters are fictional, it deserves to be understood. I repeat: The show/book deserves to be understood. Not Hannah. Not Courtney. Not Justin. Not Alex. Not any one person in particular. It deserves to be understood so that we raise the next generation of kids to understand the power behind each word they speak and each action they take. Teenagers will make mistakes. Walking on egg-shells isn't the be-all end-all solution either, because of the aforementioned personal growth that occurs during adolescence, but that doesn't mean we can't forewarn them on their impact on other lives. The story deserves to be understood.
The story!
-PatInTheHat
Thursday, March 30, 2017
My Quest to Adult
In 2 days I will officially be an adult whether I like it or not. At the ripe age of 26, I'll be thrown off of the ACA, which I've been benefiting from through my parents, and then placed neatly, or so I hope, into the healthcare provided by my employer.
The confines of legal adulthood have, thus far, shown a myriad of simplicities and complexities; though, I'd argue that, when thrown into a baking bowl, I'd most often find 2 parts of the former and about 10 parts of the latter, but I digress...
Speaking from a personal point of view, adulthood feels like the months or weeks leading up to a war-time battle overseas. At one moment, I'm perfectly fine: laughing with friends, running errands, doing laundry, etc. And the next, like an avalanche of thought that hits me all at once, the fact that I'm about to be in a life-or-death battle swarms around all of my other little, insignificant musings and smothers them as if they were never in existence. Am I a part of a big enough troop? Will there be enough rations for my own sustenance? Will I have enough ammunition to secure myself? Will there be enough cover on the battlefield for me to dodge the deadliness of seemingly relentless offensive strikes that will, most assuredly, demoralize and petrify? Am I going to die? Am I going to die? Am I going to die?
This analogy is my anxiety.
In a constantly changing world, a great support system, of which I have, is hardly enough to douse my burning mind, but that doesn't mean it's not helping. I'm not quite sure where I would be without my friends and family.
As an adolescent, success was aspired. Each bump or jump along the way, an F on a math quiz to an A+ in an honors Spanish test, was, for me, an easily-marked dot on the upward slope of my life graph. But now that I'm an adult, success is refracted sunlight hitting an otherwise dark cave. So long as I'm a dust particle floating in the line of the sunlight, I'm fine. In other words, so long as the success I have is continued, I'll be fine, but now that I'm practically "There," I realize so much could go wrong. One wrong move, and I'm out of the warmth of the light. Especially the things I can't even remotely control. Most of the time I'm able to let go of the things I can't control, but when those things are life events: work, growing older, ailing family, moving-because-I'm-a-grown-up-now-duh, my psyche goes haywire. It's frustrating, exhausting, and even nauseating. The things/events that I'm excited about and looking forward to are the same things/events that I'm afraid could get up and walk away/never happen.
Perhaps that's what this part of life is for: Becoming an adept war-veteran in life. That path has to start somewhere...
Right?
- PatInTheHat
The confines of legal adulthood have, thus far, shown a myriad of simplicities and complexities; though, I'd argue that, when thrown into a baking bowl, I'd most often find 2 parts of the former and about 10 parts of the latter, but I digress...
Speaking from a personal point of view, adulthood feels like the months or weeks leading up to a war-time battle overseas. At one moment, I'm perfectly fine: laughing with friends, running errands, doing laundry, etc. And the next, like an avalanche of thought that hits me all at once, the fact that I'm about to be in a life-or-death battle swarms around all of my other little, insignificant musings and smothers them as if they were never in existence. Am I a part of a big enough troop? Will there be enough rations for my own sustenance? Will I have enough ammunition to secure myself? Will there be enough cover on the battlefield for me to dodge the deadliness of seemingly relentless offensive strikes that will, most assuredly, demoralize and petrify? Am I going to die? Am I going to die? Am I going to die?
This analogy is my anxiety.
In a constantly changing world, a great support system, of which I have, is hardly enough to douse my burning mind, but that doesn't mean it's not helping. I'm not quite sure where I would be without my friends and family.
As an adolescent, success was aspired. Each bump or jump along the way, an F on a math quiz to an A+ in an honors Spanish test, was, for me, an easily-marked dot on the upward slope of my life graph. But now that I'm an adult, success is refracted sunlight hitting an otherwise dark cave. So long as I'm a dust particle floating in the line of the sunlight, I'm fine. In other words, so long as the success I have is continued, I'll be fine, but now that I'm practically "There," I realize so much could go wrong. One wrong move, and I'm out of the warmth of the light. Especially the things I can't even remotely control. Most of the time I'm able to let go of the things I can't control, but when those things are life events: work, growing older, ailing family, moving-because-I'm-a-grown-up-now-duh, my psyche goes haywire. It's frustrating, exhausting, and even nauseating. The things/events that I'm excited about and looking forward to are the same things/events that I'm afraid could get up and walk away/never happen.
Perhaps that's what this part of life is for: Becoming an adept war-veteran in life. That path has to start somewhere...
Right?
- PatInTheHat
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
The Equation
In essence
This isn't just another message
From the present
Time irrefutable
While math is in question
In essence
These leaders keep showing different colors
Iridescent
Blind in one eye
Lying every second
Sister, it's me
Sister, you see
This town is crumblin'
Washed out to sea
Sister, it's me
Sister, you see
The stars have stopped callin'
And it's all up to me
Condolence
For those that are lost
In translation
Facts irrefutable
Yet constantly in question
Condolence
For your life that's been tossed
To regression
Finding the lies
Not so intelligent
Sister, it's me
Sister, you see
This town is crumblin'
Washed out to sea
Sister, it's me
Sister, you see
The stars have stopped callin'
And it's all up to me
- PatInTheHat
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