Black Famous Person Does Something Disagreeable; Media, Nation Watch Every Move He Makes

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - While taking part in a charity event that helps fund the eradication of diseases that effect ailing children, controversial black sports player, Kris Cristobal, answered questions from media outlets about that not-so-outlandish thing he did of which many disagreed with. "Some things I just really don't feel like doing. Like, the other week, I was outside and never put sunscreen on. Apparently paparazzi was outside my house to witness the lack of action," said a perplexed Cristobal after fielding the question from a lackadaisical and semi-racist reporter who really has no idea what real reporting is, "You don't seem very black, so why don't you wear sunscreen?"

Standing at 6'7", Kris is revered as someone who really does that sports thing like no other. He sportses so well that any little thing he does is magnified by a billion, which is why when he decided to stand for the entire duration of mass on a Sunday with random media and reporters to watch and record behind the opaque stained glass of his local cathedral, many people took to social media outlets to voice their disdain once the videos landed on the webosphere.

"I just wanted to show awareness that the Church, after all these years, still doesn't pay taxes, and it could very well be the reason this country that I love is in economic distress," announced Cristobal on Sunday afternoon.

"I just couldn't believe it," said one confused church patron, "he just kept standing. In a prayer session where you sometimes sit, sometimes stand, and sometimes kneel, he went and did that one thing that no one, not even God himself likes--he stood the entire time. He was, for all intents and purposes, a real stand-up guy. No one likes that, and frankly, I question whether or not he's even Christian."

"I, for one, didn't necessarily agree with his stance," retorted a more logical church goer that first made sense and then drifted into insanity, "but I'll say this: At least he's not one of those people that sit the entire time. Those people I. Can't. Stand! Err, I mean, I CAN stand, I just meant that I'm not one of those sit...oh, nevermind. All-in-all, I get what he was going for, I just wish he used a different method to get his point across, like going to the rectory later on to tell the priests that they're doing a bad job or something."

A day later, media outlets continued to follow every move Kris made. "Oh, look! He's wearing a tie that has Jesus flying on a statue of Buddha! Let's spin the story so that we make people think that he hates all religions!" shouted a lazy, pathetic, and overall asinine news reporter that popped out of the shrubbery from Cristobal's front yard. Completely ignoring the rest of his black tuxedo outfit.

At press time, Cristobal is about to give another speech on how he's tired of the games played outside of the sports stadiums that he lives and dies for every day.

-PatInTheHat