It isn't enough to apologize on behalf to all of the women posting "Me Too" on social medias. It isn't enough to say it'll all be OK or that this issue will drift away in time. It isn't enough to respond with "I believe you" in response. And, that's right, it's not enough for me to write this article.
I cannot think of a better reason, unfortunately, to come out of my writing hiatus than to talk about the issue of sexual assault. Yes, it's a tough subject--and it's an even tougher subject to those it has happened to--but it's a topic that needs to be talked about and discussed if for no other reason than to create complete and total awareness to help ensure this nonsense stops happening.
First, I'm going to address the males. Guys, let's have a talk. I know it won't be an easy one, and I'm sure to peeve some of you off, but I feel like there is something important that has to be said: When women are posting "Me Too" to imply that they, too have been sexually abused in their lives, please do not comment with, "That happened to me, too." There are a lot of problems with commenting this way regardless of what precedes or follows for a couple reasons. 1. It trivializes the woman's assault in question 2. You look like an attention hoarder and that moment is just 100% not the time, and 3. This is where you might get a bit upset with me, and honestly, that's OK. I can handle it. But if you were ever sexually assaulted by a woman, I'm here to tell you that it's just absolutely not the same. Though there are exceptions i.e. Being drugged, date raped, or being too drunk to function, let's understand those happenstances are quite different than the average female to male encounter. Before you start throwing expletives at me--which, again, you could do--I'm not remotely trying to tell you that you being sexually assaulted isn't a problem. What I'm trying to tell you is that male on female sexual assault is far more prevalent. Moreover, a male is on average about twice the size of a woman making it harder for a woman to do anything about the assault. Also, I really don't think you want me to include the statistics for how often male on female sexual assault leads to the female either dying from the encounter or committing suicide later down the line. What I will say: The numbers aren't good. Therefore, male on female assault is considerably more of a problem. For some direction on how to act on this, just look at female suffrage. Did you hear from female rights activists in the '60's during the Civil Rights movement? If you did, how often? Didn't live in the '60s? OK let's talk about the last 5 years. Women believe so strongly in equality that they even put their own grievances aside--if only momentarily--in favor of black/other minority rights. Similarly, I'm asking you to put aside your own grievances for the cause of insuring this type of abuse stops happening to women. Although hard to prove, I'd bet that if this stopped happening to women--and so frequently--that it would more quickly stop happening to men. So, in other words, by aiding in the removal of male on female sexual abuse you then help your own cause to ensure it stops happening to you. Kinda like how the removal of patriarchal anecdotes, biases, stereotypes, etc.--or one of the ultimate goals of feminism--also benefits men.
Lastly, to the women: This is embarrassing. My empathy billows over the rim of the societal glass for these heinous actions against you. Similar to how white people need to keep other white people in check to thwart racism--nonexclusive, of course--it is also up to men to keep other men in check to thwart the behaviors of sexual irreverence. My promise to you is that my effort will not yield. Though I have put in effort previously, I must confess that I have not done enough. You have all made that abundantly clear. So, your grievance is also my cross to bear. I will continue to listen to your outcries, but I hope that they diminish. Not because of those that try to silence you, but because the occurrence stops happening. I sincerely hope that your struggle does not end in self-inflicted demise. Please seek the attention you need in order to keep your head above the fire and smoke. I know that it will be a hard step to take, but if it means your well-being, then it may be necessary. My heart is with you. Good luck.
- PatInTheHat
