Batman v Spiderman (a review...SPOILERS!)

Due to the wide range of opinions on this film--from down right awful to the best thing since sliced bread--I had to see this damn film for myself. I went in with super low expectations thinking that Zach Snyder was the new Tommy Wiseau.

The movie was actually not that bad. I mean, yes, the movie DOES try to do far too much. In the middle of the rising action, where you're supposed to be getting all anxious waiting to see how the movie is going to end, the movie does a couple stupid things:

1. Superman's dad, still played by Kevin Costner, was materialized by Clark Kent's character hiking to the top of a mountain. Costner blithers on about some shit no one in their right mind could ever care about. Someone  like two seats to the right of me was snoring--like really, snoring--right around this part. The snoring, for at least this part, was considerably more entertaining than the film.

2. All the sudden we go to what is assumed--at that moment of the film--to be Wonder Woman unhatching all of the "Super"-files. All of this cool stuff is happening, but we just HAVE to go back to introing random supers? It was the weirdest thing.

3. There were at LEAST three 5 to 10 second scenes that were in a row and completely detached from one another. I just remember going..."Uhhh, alright?"

4. This part wasn't exactly a part of the brunt of the rising action--or perhaps the most exciting part of it--but what the hell was with Batman's random dream? First off, I know that Zach was trying to put in more comic bits, and I know what he was TRYING to do, but it was just ridiculous. You can see it for yourself...dreams don't work that way. It was a stretch even for a fictional film.

5. Superman's mom having the same name as Batman's mom. I almost yelled at the movie during the part where Batman is about to kill Superman, "Are you FUCKING kidding me?!" Like, I get it, you're not ACTUALLY going to have Batman kill Superman or vice versa, but Jesus hell. Martha? Martha. Fuck me.

If all of the points mentioned above were cut out or better written at least, I genuinely believe this movie would have been REALLY good. Like, yeah, I get it. The Doomsday v. Superman comic doesn't include all these other heroes and all, but if you try to mentally cut out all the bs and just look at the main story line, the movie was pretty damn good and I was happy that Zach actually killed Superman instead of altering the original story so much that they--the supers--are able to kill Doomsday without Superman dying.

I thought Jessie Eisenburgh was a great Lex. A different kind of Lex, but I thought he really changed the type of acting he normally does to play a very sinister role.

With all the crap I mentioned above, the movie gets a 5/10 from me. If that stuff was cut out, I woulda gave it about an 8. It's a good enough movie to go see and judge for yourself, though. All those memes comparing it to The Room are ridiculous.

Oh, and one more thing, Ben Afleck wasn't a bad Batman. I wouldn't go as far as saying that he was better than Christian Bale--that's a bit of a stretch for me--but he wasn't half bad. He definitely deserves some kudos for playing an older Bruce Wayne that reminded me more of the older Bruce Wayne from the animated series Batman Beyond. He was quiet and brooding. His interaction with new Alfred--Jeremy Irons--came off a bit awkward at times, but the relationship grew on me throughout the film.

All-in-all, the film was definitely worth a friend paying for the ticket for you to go see. Here's looking at you, Ken! Haha X]

- PatInTheHat

Habitual

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Work
Typing
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Drink
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Nothing
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Fidgeting
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Meeting






Meeting over
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Drink
Go to the bathroom
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Return to desk
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Head home
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Turn on phone
Message overflow
Battery dies
Phone's dead

Arrive home
Check phone
Idiot
Brain dead

Phone's off

Rose

And so it goes
Another rose
Lying naked in a field of hearts

Stripped of time
So unkind
Hung by a severed clothes line

Delivered by
Delivery guy
In a bouquet of friends

Caught on fingers
Blood still lingers
Sacrificial gift of love

Until he sneaks
Beneath the sheets
Waiting for pale stems to spread apart

What sacrifice
That looks so nice
Pricks another lover

Hands on thorns
Feel like horns
The mammaries of another

Until his wife
Wields a knife
To ensure Rose is the last "other."

- PatInTheHat